“But [Mwajim] where are you running to?”

“Somewhere in the middle you’ll find me” ~ Casting Crowns

         No one tells you to stop and smell the roses. Neither do they tell you to wait and watch the rain as it pours gently on a mid-summer afternoon. They forget to tell you that you fall and bruise and that it is okay. They also forget to tell you their own stories so that when you are faced with conundrums of what the giants before you went through, you can boldly look up and realize that you were never alone.

         If you think about it, society makes it seem like it is all about the race. A dash to graduate, a dash to get in a relationship or get married, a dash to get that job, a dash to get the promotion, a dash to have a baby, a move on to the next state. We are always looking forward to that next big thing – the next breakthrough. There is nothing wrong with that, wanting to forge ahead. But the thing is, once at that next level we are ready to jump to the next higher level.

         That has been my state for the past… let’s just say forever. I realized that I’ve always been in a state where I’m yearning for more. I’ve never stopped to smell the roses, or appreciate the beauty of where I am standing. From my vantage point, I’ve always been unsatisfied. I’ve wanted better…  everything to be better. As a result, I’ve been too quick to jump into the future. I’m left spending countless hours thinking of the ultimate façade of satisfaction that will be met once I just do this or do that…

         “But [Mwajim] where are you running to?” I seemed to hear my Mother’s anxious question that I had relegated to the background for a very long time. She would always ask me this when I told her my adult version of my future plans when I was a teenager. In her eyes, I saw the fear that I was running faster than my shadow, wishing upon myself things that should only come at a regular pace. I never understood then. I wished she had spelt it out in less ambiguous terms.

         In wanting that next phase of my life to come so bad, I realized that I’ve been in a perpetual state of “waiting”… I mean yes, we are all waiting aren’t we? For that special/big breakthrough?... where we wish to attain? However, I feel like I’ve been even holding my breath in the process… so do I really think that that breakthrough will be it and that I’d never want anymore?

         Yes, I’ve never sat down and been appreciative of what God has so graciously given me. I’ve never sat down and reflected that since I’ve come this far, I should be rest assured that ofcourse “He whose eyes are on the sparrow” is definitely going to keep watch over me. I’ve never sat down to breathe in the after-rain air and be glad from my vantage point. I’ve been flexed to get to the next point only out of fear. I’ve never sat down to realize that wow, since God has brought me this far, I ought to be excited for what he’ll bring my way and even more, I ought to be excited about right where I am. I ought to be more grateful from this vantage point.

         So… I’m going to sit back and enjoy tea in the scorching east coast sun and dip in ice-cream sandwiches as I learn to be more grateful from my vantage point and anticipate in joy and faith rather than in fear and anxiety and speed at what He brings next.

         Care to join me?