p.s. this is a long post :D
I have this image in my head of the kind of “being in-love” state I want to partake in. There was/is/will be (your pick) a man. And then there would be me – a woman. We would have this electric union of souls where he understands my very core, and I understand his. It is like one look at him and I just feel safe and know that all I want to complain and whine about will be received without judgment. I would sit and pine about all my fears, and worries; and he would listen. I would share every shred of joy and happiness with him – literally every second. I would punch and push and beat him – and of course he wouldn’t mind and he would take it all in… you know?
Sound familiar yet?
I have this idealized vision of someone that satisfies me to my very soul. Its like we are always in sync. One that I can love and trust without restraint. The perfect person who loves me to perfection – he would never fail…
And that is just where the problem lays – my expectations.
I expect him to do everything perfectly, and yet, I still understand my perfection can only go as far because I’m human. I don’t expect him to be imperfect.
I have been sick with this expectation for years. Measuring people up to an idealized vision of what I want my relations with people to be like. In every corner that friendships or relationships come from, I extrapolate an image of receiving undying trust and love without fail. I place them in a ‘God-box’… and when they fail – of course, I get bitter.
I was reading this post and this one from a series on Grace from Emily’s blog ‘Chatting at the Sky’ when it hit me. My ideology of perfection streams from my assumption that they won’t fail. Yes, I should be optimistic and open-minded about people – I ought to be. However, how about that room for failure? Why am I so taken aback when people’s reality gets projected into my idealistic state? And the craving for perfect love – that craving isn’t meant to be satisfied by another human being. It was never meant to be. Yes, I was created with this craving, longing and desire to have unrequited love – we all deserve unconditional love – someone we can run to no matter how many times we have fallen. We deserve someone to embrace us un-relentlessly without judgment. But the thing is that I can’t love anybody un-relentlessly – I get tired. I can’t love without internal grumblings (why must it be me ehh?). I can’t always be there. And, if I can’t why would I expect another human being – fallible, as I am to do likewise?
This is where He comes in. Perfection itself. Love itself. Grace consumed with justice. Un-relentless, never failing, always-there-kind-of-love – the one where you scream and yell and curse and question… and HE STILL TAKES YOU BACK. The one where you squander all your wealth and forget your worth – and HE STILL TREATS YOU LIKE RARE DIAMOND. The kind where you wish to be satisfied and over-flowing with more, and He never tires of giving more. Its like what Jesus said to the Samaritan woman (My favorite Bible story by the way) in John 4:13-14 (NIV): “Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."”
This is the kind of yearning that David spoke of in Psalms 42: 1-2 (NIV):
“As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God”
The kind of yearning only God can satisfy.
My prayer is that you recognize this yearning – and no, I’m not saying that a yearning to be married or in a relationship or to have friends is a masked yearning for God, because God did create a yearning for companionship in us for a reason – Genesis 2:18 (NIV): The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." I am talking about that deep-rooted desire that we have of unreasonable expectations from people (or am I the only one who has this?). I am talking that ridiculous need for someone to satisfy, of which when we discover that that person/thing can’t meet up, we become so down trodden and empty (and I know you know what I’m talking about). This desire can’t be met or satisfied by anyone or anything other than Christ Jesus – God made flesh. And it is only by understanding that, and believing Him and letting Him take care of my unreasonable and broken expectations from people that I can then come to truly love people unconditionally. It is only then that I can learn to truly see people as what they are – fallible as I am and allow room for failures - graciously. Understanding that He alone satisfies my out-this-world expectations and not projecting that on someone else or something else makes it easier to engage in relationships and friendships and expect that I don’t have to worry about being hurt because my expectations are in the right place.
So back to my prayer – that you recognize this desire and let God fulfill that desire for you. That your friendships, relationships and marriages are renewed and restored with the right expectations and that you allow room for failures and forgiveness just as He graciously forgives and forgets.
P.S. I will be away this weekend for my fellowship’s fall retreat (IVCF)… woooooaaaaahhhh!!!
I’m soooo excited. If you’ve ever been to a campus fellowship retreat, you’ll understand.
Have yourself a beautiful weekend :D
