Looking back...

I hope you have all enjoyed splendid weather this week. The past couple of days in MD have been absolutely beautiful... *sigh* finally able to wear flip-flops again :) I spent a couple of minutes earlier this week filing out an application to be a Bible Study Leader in my campus fellowship (*Crossing fingers that I end up getting it*), and one of the questions had me threading down memory lane. The question asked: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”  -- Galatians 5:22-23. In light of this Scripture, discuss one or two fruits of the Spirit (e.g. peace, goodness) God has been growing in your life.

Honestly, the question kind of took me aback, I guess more because I didn't expect it and that I actually had something to say... the first thing that came to my mind was about peace. Looking back say four to five years ago, I was in a very tumultuous place in my life. There was no sense of direction on what turn my life would take, and that threw me into utter despair. Yes, I prayed... a lot! But to me, what I was praying for seemed so far-fetched and almost impossible. People close to me who knew what was happening all told me to settle for less. This was the time I knew that my family had my back no matter what... i was totally lost, confused and angry, and yet they put up with me. My dad had to sit me down and have a talk with me because he saw that I was utterly frustrated, and angry. It was almost as though I didn't understand that things happen for a reason. I was so caught up in the moment, in the present of my situation... forgetting God's bountiful provision in the past, and his numerous promises for the future. I would wake up angry, wouldn't eat all day and would go to bed angry... just angry at the world, myself... my situation. And when my anger subsided, i was in pieces. I was just uncontrollably fretful... worried about this, and that, and them and us... just things that looking back now, it all seems so trivial because everything has worked out for the best so far. 

When my problem was solved, I truly believed I would never be angry, or sad or ever want. I thought that the aftermath of that storm would be my real satisfaction. I was wrong. New problems came up with every new step I made. This time, I resorted to worrying and sadness. I would worry about my next move, and all the possible ways it could go wrong. I feared myself, I feared people and worst of all, I cut myself off from talking to the One Person that could truly put me at ease... I continued my tradition of worrying until of course the Big Man up there got my attention. All the things I worried about, in some way or the other, came crashing down. I used them as security blankets, and when it got taken away, I realized that I had been building foundations on sinking grounds. I had to stop, re-evaluate, re-prioritize and realize that God is all I need and this same Person who left his throne to restore my soul loves me enough to want me to cast all my cares on Him. And so the long journey started of learning not to fret. I can easily let my mind wander from re-evaluating the past time and time again in order to understand a situation and predict the future. In the end, I have no power in the future, I can't trust my will to bend the future, and neither can any human being mold it for me. So i started to learn to trust completely with everything... and I mean everything in God. And, because faith must be backed up by works... it has been hard because a lot of my trusting means taking that leap of faith in the direction you are trusting Him for and leaving the rest for Him. Time and time again I fall, and yet he still keeps urging me on... The beautiful thing about this trust and falling while trying is the insurmountable... overwhelming peace that calms me to numbness... It is like there was this raging storm in me all along and just one day, step by step it was stilled. Seeing that question made me realize that this was the peace being spoken of, a fruit of the Spirit. I was pleased as I looked at the other fruits of the Spirit and realized that indeed God is at work in my life in more ways than I even imagined. I can only pray and hope that those fruits keep growing in my life. 

So what fruit are you praying for the Spirit to work in your life? Remember, no matter who you are, or what it is, HE has the power to calm that storm in you. Have a great week :)