Impatience and Peace of Mind Part 2

              So after judiciously trying to figure out my feelings and thoughts, I've finally decided to suck it up and share my current struggles with being patient and less worrisome. As most of you know, I am a researcher in training... this means I spend most of my days poking around in the lab doing experiments... what most people don't realize both people who go into research and those who look at it from the outside is how much of a training it is in both frustration management and patience. If you are not used to falling flat on your face or spending hours slaving for something with no result, then this may not be something you want to spend your life doing :) Over the past year and a half, I have been getting lessons in that - the art of striving and waiting and hoping with fingers crossed. However, as time has gone on, I've noticed that while I expect my experiments to take time... while I expect progress to come at a snail's pace... I don't expect that to happen in life situations.

            I can give the perfect example of my relationship with catching the bus to lab in the mornings. Mind you, I live about a 20 minute walk away from my lab... and by bus, I am in lab in 3-4 mins. However, this short time is insufficient for me... apparently, at some point I must have started bargaining with myself that I should be able to "apparate" into lab *shout out to all my HP fans out there*. In short, I'd been getting to a point where once I flip from my bed, I suddenly want to translocate to lab and start my day, without a moment's delay such that any interruption with my mental plan flips my emotional state to that akin to an angry mother hen pissed at people disturbing her chicks. Anyways, let's just say, it was so bad that I was jumping in front of buses all in the name of attempting to be in lab early to start my day. To some it may just be a sign of punctuality, but knowing my heart and its signs - it was me being impatient. I mean, I could have just waited 10 more mins and avoided being scolded by the bus driver about jumping infront of his bus *yes guys, being a grad student is making me go rouge* This aside, and other patterns I have noticed just made me realize how much I need to just sit and breathe and remember to wait on God, just practice waiting... in something as simple as waiting for the bus. My friends, if I can't wait for a bus, I don't think my heart is really set then on waiting for other things.
               
           So yes, I've come to the realization that my heart is roaring with impatience... so how do I battle that? I honestly wish I could tell you the answer or that I've been fighting it well enough. The good news about this as with other situations is that I'm not the one holding myself... but I am learning baby wobble at a time to fully depend on the God who calls things to be as though they are (Romans 4:17) :D So, my God who does things like that will teach this tautly worrisome heart to be patient... I've been reading Psalm 139:5-6 to myself for weeks:

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
⁶ my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

- See more at: http://mwajimal.blogspot.com/#sthash.m5OkO2eI.dpuf

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
⁶ my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

- See more at: http://mwajimal.blogspot.com/#sthash.m5OkO2eI.dpuf

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope; 
 my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

Hoping in His word, in His truth... believing that the very words He says over me are true, resting in His irrefutable gift of life to me.

So join me, as I learn to just rest in the beauty of His love for me and you... It is hard, however, He gives us grace every step of the way :)

Love,
Mwajim Al.

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
⁶ my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

- See more at: http://mwajimal.blogspot.com/#sthash.m5OkO2eI.dpuf