The Obligatory End-of-the-Year Reflections

I lied.


I'm not reflecting. Not on here at least. Sorry.


But, what I am doing instead is a meme I stole from this blog. Feel free to read the rules and participate. It entails going through the first posts of each month this year, pasting the first sentence from each post and the link to that post.


Hummm wait, that does sound like reflection at the end of the day! So I wasn't lying in my title then :D


I spent the past hour or so living through the motives behind the different posts as I flipped through the months and reflecting on what state I was in.
In short - 2011 was a great year :) in EVERY area - yup, I said it, even though I had months where I was wasn't feeling so up or tidy, it was still a great year. And guess what? 2012 will be even greater.
You want to know why? Because I serve "... the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not." (Romans 4:17b, NIV). 


I began the year in the midst of pivotal change. In short, in those few months of the first quarter of the year, the only few things I was sure of was my past and my present... really simple things like my name... those sorts of things were what I was sure of. Where I would be moving to or what my life would be turning into after college were in the dark. The second quarter met me trying to graduate college as a sane person and battling a personal lost cause. I learnt that I can be an emotional mess and do well on an exam! Good times, good times - lol. The third quarter saw me mourning and celebrating - it is terrible to have a really good thing and a sad thing happen to you at the same time. You aren't quite sure which to do at what time: cry or laugh? It was quite confusing. The last quarter saw me mustering courage and ambition and making friends and just stepping out more and more out of my comfort zone. This quarter was my return to what I'd now call my new normal :) The past few months have been some of the best of the year so far!


So, while I wait to be transformed into what He is calling me into, enjoy the trip down memory lane!


January:  I’ve been missing God for… o say like weeks now.
February: But in our time something new has been added. (Romans 3:21, The MSG)
March: Sara's lyrics convey the perfect words for what is on my heart right now...
April: Something I will tell my Daughter earlier on... 
May: So… it is officially less than 3 weeks to my undergraduate graduation. 
June: I have a lot to say and write but I can't, mostly because my mind has been racing faster than the speed of light and I'm really really lazy now (this is what five years of college does to you) so these things will have stay between me and Him.
July: I think I can finally sit through and sift through my thoughts that have been running faster than the speed of light. 
August: Yes, we are in a broken world - there is so much pain...
September: Time is moving so fast.
October: You know that peach perfect day when you stand on the green grass and feel the air sharp and fresh through your lungs...? 
November: It's funny - tomorrow is my birthday.  
December: "We traded up, we traded out" We say.


Have a festive New Year Celebrations!!! 


See ya in 2012 by HIS Grace! Enjoy :D

Regardless of how you spend today...

      Last Night, depression and loneliness came jeering at my doorstep threatening to take over, reminding me of what I lack in close proximity and what I could have if God actually cared about me... I was just about to cry back in response and agreement with them when He let me have a silent realization...


What is the point of Christmas?
Why do millions across the world celebrate it?
Regardless of how I celebrate it or not celebrate it or with whom, does that nullify what we celebrate today and everyday?


     
      Whether you are alone this Christmas, or in the midst of your close-knit family, with friends or acquaintances, strangers or in transit... do remember that regardless of how you spend today or with whom, that baby wrapped in swaddling clothes some two thousand+++ years ago was the Word that became Flesh so that we could have that bountiful freedom to come into His presence unabashed and unashamed to have  our sins healed. He came in humiliation so that we may have peace... He came lowly so that you and I would never be alone... And so today as we celebrate His humility and our freedom regardless of where you are, a toast and shout of joy to Christ for the liberty He has brought humanity!!!

ooo and before I forget, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! and I will let you taste the beauty of the wonderful Christmas tree in my apartment :)

Trade

"We traded up,
we traded out" We say


Huts for sky scrapers...
Hoes for tractors...
Hoop-skirts for booty-shorts...
Hats for do-rags...


"We traded up
we traded out" We say


Women can vote,
Negroes can attend Harvard and Oxford,
Non-discreet lovers can come out of hiding...
We are modern...


"We traded up,
we traded out,
Opportunity for all,
Opulence for the masses"




"We stayed put,
We stayed in a cycle.
Tyranny lives on,
In a morphed figurine of ourselves."


We may have traded green for machine,
We may have traded the opera for the telly,
We may have traded the postman for email...


Yet the desire and hunger,
the lore and the tale
of Man's menacing issues
live on into the future.

What are You thankful for?

So my chicken (yes ooo it's not turkey, but it's still poultry lol) is roasting in the oven as I watch television and prepare to get some more studying done today. Unlike the past couple of years, i'm separated from my dear friends who've come to be family to me in the States... mostly because I forgot to buy a ticket on time :( 

I was going through a mental list of things I'm thankful for this year, and of course, there are too many to count... So i'll list a few that struck me:

- I'm thankful for friends that are like my family.

- I'm thankful for family that are also my friends, although seriously, I have the best family in the world (hands down :p)

- I'm thankful for mistakes that have shown me how strong I am

- I'm thankful for God pushing me through my mistakes and giving me a clean slate despite myself

- I'm thankful for my wonderful cohort in my graduate program, like seriously, I have the best classmates ever :)

- I'm thankful for the solace of solitude and company, two indispensable friends that have taught me that my time is most precious and must be guarded with care

- I'm thankful for food, yes I've said it, food. You may take it for granted, but for me, every morsel counts! (no, i'm not starving, but food just rocks my socks, I seriously need to watch my weight now lol)

So what are You thankful for this year? And how are you spending your turkey day this year?

 P.S. A big thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday from my last post :) My birthday went really well, twas mad fun!

A Quote from Teddy Roosevelt

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

~ Theodore Roosevelt quotes (American 26th US President (1901-09), 1858-1919) Source

RE: Acts of Faith: Being Thankful

It's funny - tomorrow is my birthday. I looked through my blogposts and found what I wrote on that day last year... Funny how time flies and how many things change within a short span of time. Looking back, it seems the past year was a full pledged ride high on dopamine and adrenaline leading to a crash so explosive... but, not so explosive His touch couldn't rescue from. Errr correction - there is NOTHING, His touch can't rescue from. So, I'm putting a re-post up of what I wrote last year. As I read through, I thought the context would be changed now, or that I could change who is who in my mind - but you know what? Nah, it's the same, old same with new people added to different categories. Mountain high and valley low and all, I'm still thankful. People in and people out of my life - I'm still thankful. I'm here and I'm whole and I'm blessed and I wouldn't have it any other way, not the past or the present. God has been too good for me to back down and life is too precious and short for me to look down. 


Enjoy! And feel free to join me as I parry on my day :D 
I'll send you virtual cake!

Despite broken promises and hushed good byes and forgotten kisses.

Despite long wanted hugs, and far-away cuddles and swollen pride.

Despite stifled laughter, suppressed smiles and washed away shouts…

I’m still thankful.

There are stronger promises still. Pushed back good byes, and fresh kisses.

There are lingering hugs, present cuddles and blazed humility present.

There is roaring laughter, glowing smiles and echoed shouts…

Here and Now in the present.

I’m thankful.

There is more on the way – greater than I’ve ever fathomed.

[For a split second today, I looked back like Lot’s wife to count my losses and moan about the past].

[I had to slap myself out of it – how dare I ignore the precious gift of the present ?]

And so I’m thankful.

Thankful that she is here.

Thankful that he is here.

Thankful that you are here.

Thankful that they are here.

Thankful at YOU.

And I’m even more thankful that she was here…

That he was here…

That they were here…

That we were there.

I don’t know what you have in store yet – but I know I’m safe because you’ve already crafted my path from my inception to demise.

So thank you.

Turnover Tuesdays V

"I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control. and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All the folks who follow me, going end up in the wrong place" - Lecrae, "Background"

The Other Day

I saw you again the other day.
After so many years gone by, it seemed comprehensible that I would forget you...
You sat right across me,
on the train that wheezed by untold destinations we would never speak of.
You stared and I stared back.
No recognition.

You had the same contours...
your eyes, old and tired.
You lips, dry and set.
Your hair, dark and gray.
Not a day older than the last time I saw you...
not a day older, in my mind...
and yet, here you are frail and worn.
The years have gone by.

I searched and searched into your face,
taking the painstaking stranger glances,
fearful you would bark me off as a stalker,
and yet, hopeful you would recognize me.

It was too much to hope for.
The years have gone by.

It seemed comprehensible that I would forget you...
You sat right across me,
on the train that wheezed by untold destinations we would never speak of.
You stared and I stared back.
Not an atom of recognition.

Acts of Faith: "you are not whole... you are incomplete"

         I *love* (emphasis on sarcasm) how the society we live in screams what we should and shouldn’t think of ourselves. It’s complex because you spend countless unforgivable times combing through the societal projected images of yourself that by the time you realize that isn’t what you thought of yourself... it’s almost too late? Well, as long as you are still breathing, there is still hope, and it is never too late. Never too late to realize the lies and the gibberish that the world imposes on us.  

Source: Google Image

Ever notice how categories are made based on what we have and don’t have?  We are told that we are incomplete or unwhole until we have this... or that. A graduate doesn’t have a job, and he is told that he is less of a man until he has money. A woman is single and she is told she is incomplete until she marries. A married couple is barren or waiting to have kids and they are told that the joy of children is waiting to make their marriage complete. A young boy is frivolous and strives to save his money for rainy days, and he is told that the only way to live life to the fullest is to spend every penny on stuff he sees in ads. A young woman is navigating and taking her time to figure out her choices and she is told she is incomplete until she blindly takes a path like so and so. Society screams at us: “You are not whole... you are incomplete... until you get this/have that/obtain it”.

Lies!!! All lies.

I laid in bed last week fighting again. Fighting the lying voices... fighting the discouragement... basically fighting myself. Fighting the “glass is half-empty” perspective when the whole while I knew of a fact that my glass is full and overflowing. I need to think keep thinking that way. It’s a different thing saying that I know that I’m blessed and another, thinking like a blessed daughter... Not just portraying it and wearing a happy mask... it’s also living that from within, being glad even in the solace of my mind, when my old self tries to regain control.

I am blessed.

And I am whole. Yes, there are things I would like to change, circumstances that I wish were different. There are things I would like to say, past buried pieces I would like to revisit... but changing them isn’t my job, it isn't possible. Revisiting them isn’t going to make me any better. And nothing, absolutely nothing can be done about it. I can't change the past. What I can do, is change my  present and affect my future. And no reshuffling of the past is going to change where I stand in His sight, or how He views me. Which is what matters. I am whole in Him. No, it’s not the next big thing waiting to happen or the next thing I lust/covet after or the next wish I have that is going to complete me. I am incomplete without Christ... and now, because I have Him, I am complete... I am whole.

And don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I don’t know what crossroads you are at, I don’t know what path you are stuck on, I don’t know what keeps you up at night. Maybe you are like me, prone to guilt and putting herself down, or maybe you are waiting for the next job, relationship, child, inspiration, ambition, marriage... whatever it is... these are good things, beautifully created by God to complement us and not rule us, not to define us. Our definition is found in our relationship with Him, and not in whatever it is we think will complete us.

So join me in saying: “I am whole, and I am complete. I am blessed”. I know I will be practicing saying this until I wholly believe it in my inner core.

I hope you have been doing great. I’ve been good... I think I’m getting burnt out, so many readings to get through - they can’t possibly want me to know everything lol. Anyhow, I can do all things through Christ regardless of what they want :)

Have a great week ahead of you, and take care!!!

Contentment

    You know that peach perfect day when you stand on the green grass and feel the air sharp and fresh through your lungs...? When you look up into the clear skies and YOU JUST KNOW YOU ARE CONTENT? The imagery sets the scene. You don’t have to actually be in that scenario... but you know what I mean. And I’m not talking about financial contentment or the material kind or the companion kind... I’m talking about the contentment that shows up in between the crevices of your day. You wake up in the morning, and all is calm... in the sparse moments of the day while you are busy hustling up the pieces of life, you are just pleased even in the hustling... And at the end of the day, there is just that silent mental check you are okay with everything in your life. The current pace you are at, the minute things you do that bring you pleasure... It’s like suddenly the pawns are falling together and even though you still don’t get the strategy of the game at hand, you are okay with the flow - just the way it is.

This is where I am. And honestly, I feel like yelping out loud in joy at this realization. It happened sometime over the past couple of weeks... and in a weird kind of way, I don’t know what to attribute it to. I don’t know if it’s my new phase in life, or me just being pleased with where I am. Whichever it is, one thing I do know is that it’s a threshold of healing from Him, and it just makes me so glad.

So tell me, How are you?

    




Google Image

Sharing 8 + Imoteda's Blogpost

The Weak and the Strong

 ¹ Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. ² One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. ³ The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them.
 ⁴ Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

 ⁵ One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. ⁶ Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. ⁷ For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. ⁸ If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. ⁹For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

 ¹⁰ You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister^[a]? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. ¹¹ It is written:

   “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
‘every knee will bow before me;
   every tongue will acknowledge God.’”^[b]

 ¹² So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Romans 14 (New International Version)

Also, check out Imoteda's blogpost on the ABSU gang rape victim. She is pulling together a petition. God is not going to come down and divine out justice, that's why He put governments in place and rules, to keep order in society. And if we see that order being abused, it is up to us to speak up when wrong is being done. 

Sign the petition!

Felicity Fridays II

I don't know about you, but i'm definately glad it's finally friday - TGIF :)



This album kept me company today. Enjoy this beautiful hit.

An update of some sorts - vlog 1!

Celtic Prayer of Iona: 

I arise today!

Through a mighty strength:

God's power to guide me, God's might to uphold me,

God's eyes to watch over me;

Gd's ear to hear me, God's word to give me speech,

God's hand to guard me, God's way to lie before me,

God's shield to shelter me, God's hand to secure me.

In Remembrance - 09.11.2001.

Sept 11, 2001 - Kano, Nigeria.
I remember walking into a bank with my dad and watched in horror as the reports came through on the television in there. I recall a look of daze on people's faces... I don't think most of us were processing the magnitude and implications of what had happened.

Ten years later - May their souls rest in peace... and I pray that the families of those who lost their loved ones continue to heal and move on in peace.

Do you remember where you were that fateful day, ten years ago? And what were you doing when you heard the news?

on Time

Time is moving so fast.
I for one want to slow it down,
and dance along its shores.
Stretch it out like an elastic piece of rubber and
look at it's infinitesimal atoms in slow motion...
femtosecond fractions of time...
replay each minutest moment
and relive it like it were the present.


Time is slipping so fast.

On Viewing yourself through the Eyes of the Maker

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

          -- Marianne Williamson, 'Return to Love'

           I think everyone who has had a wobbly awkward teenage life can agree with me that at some point or the other, we all struggled with self-image and esteem issues. Okay, so maybe you were never that painfully shy teenager like me, however I know you can identify with one point or the other in your life where you have felt inadequate... unnecessary... and maybe not even worth it. I know I have. It is still something that I grapple with.

For me, one of the challenges I’ve had to deal with is the resurfacing of that mean carnal voice that tells me I am not worth it... not a penny or a second of anyone’s time. And it’s especially worse when you think that voice was long dead and gone, only to meet her at the intersection of the resurrection of old self and the continuance of new self.

And it wasn’t that occasional sneering jeer that creeps up at you when you close your eyes to sleep at night, or appears to you in an irrelevant dream or sneaks up when you see something you covet... no. This was the bold gallant kind that would weave in and out of your thoughts when you commute to work... when you laugh with a friend... when you watch a movie.

The annoying and shrill bemoaning lament  on what you don’t have... on what you lost... on what you could have. The measuring yardstick at the back of your mind that you tier yourself up against based on people’s reactions to you. The silent sighs of dissatisfaction that you heave off your brows when a picturesque scene of your wildest dreams flickers in front of you.

All these and more that I use to condemn myself on some invisible scale that I created at the back of my head. And worse is when I am weak and I can only let that voice rattle on and on about her self-inflicted opinions of self...

Then there are those times, as should be more and more often in all cases when the her that I am being transformed into speaks up... for herself, for who she is being made into. Whose she is takes over and reminds her of her worth.

For every single lie that tells her she is not worth it... she is reminded that The Word which created even the most distant galaxies took upon flesh to shed His blood for her. She is worth His blood... I am worth His blood.

For every single lie that tells her she is guilty and filthy... she is reminded that yes, it is so and despite that, He has made her whole... She no longer stands condemned because of Christ. I no longer stand condemned because of Christ.

For every single lie that tells her she is not good enough and will never be... she is reminded that she is good enough for Him, just the way she is... and He is good enough for Her... just enough and overflowing with abundance all for her. He is more than enough for me.

For every single lie that tells her she is alone. She is reminded that she is surrounded by a cloud of witnesses cheering her on to the finish line... and more than that She is held in the arms of the suave and yet Almighty Father that is comforting her from all of life’s arrows. I am not alone in His arms.

For every single lie that tells her she is worse off than when she started in Him... she is reminded that it is a journey... in Him... and a fight of spirit against flesh... and a fight where she is to remain in Him and Him in her. I am continually being sanctified.

And so here I am amongst my battles of a resurfacing self-deprecating voice that tries to sit the victorious me that wants ever so more to break her shell and do more. I’m here, dipping in and out ever so often... and out there I know there are many others like me struggling with letting go of that voice that tells you that you are not enough. I just want you to be reminded that you are enough, more that enough: loved and cherished in the arms of a Master Craftsman that is carrying you on His back despite what you may think, despite what that droning voice says.    

So fight it... that voice. With everything you have, fight it. That self that wants you to remain as you are, putting and beating yourself down to no avail - fight it. Break out, speak life to yourself instead. Speak positivity instead. Speak love instead. 

You are not little. You are not unimportant. You are this beautifully and wonderfully crafted person that is on a journey to making sense of all this clutter by His Grace. All the hairs on your head have been numbered, your path has been carved out from the beginning of time, with Him tirelessly working in the background to keep you and allow you to live your life to the fullest. 

And above all, allow Him to let you see yourself through His eyes: precious, loved and forgiven.

Windows

p.s. long post alert
Apart from the obvious reason for air ventilation in buildings, there is an aesthetic reason to having windows in buildings - the idea of opportunity. Too often in life, its so easy to spend our time completely tunnel-visioned on an angle or aspect that we fail to zoom away and look out the window for just a second. That was what hit me the other day as i sat in a subway train that sped underground. Summer is closing its clock on us in about a month... and i can say with a straightforward face that I've had a peculiar summer. Maybe not so different from others in the past  - i mean there was a LOT of change in the air, which is what always happens to me anyhow... but these changes were more felt.

    I walked out of a couple of phases into a new phase. I can’t say that i did that with open palms. I’m probably against my own good still struggling with just allowing my mind to reach acceptance, although it does get better with each cyclic dawn and dusk.
    Despite the immense good taking place however, i kept finding myself clutching and holding on and sinking into disillusionment repeatedly. And i started a new cycle of worry on things that have nothing to do with me. And every single time i let these new anxieties and worries clutch over my heart, like the swift prince charming He is, God always pulled through for me. More than I can say for myself.
    More good things that happened was the friendship between two of my friends and I - we kind of started this cheezy bonding get together of prayer and bible study over gmail. It went a really really long way in helping me get off my sinking feet. It felt good to get that reminder that I’m not the only one who gets constantly slapped by life’s frivolous tentacles. It felt good not to feel alone in this battle.
    And of the bad things that I let turn into huge monsters that tormented me at night, the biggest was letting sharp stakes of regret and guilt plummet my mind. I let this go on for the most part, on and on torturing myself to that abyss of emptiness. Until that train ride aforementioned.
    Zooming out. 
    Looking out the window. 
    Life is this way. No matter how hard I try to put it, I live in a fallen world. I am fallen, and no amount of my own good can clean up my inclination to sin and my own sins. Looking out the window forced me to see that i love spending my time calculating what bad I don’t do and how that makes me right with Him. I forget that it is His grace alone that justifies me - nothing of my own accord. I hardly walk around with the perspective that He has forgiven me regardless, and that He looks at me with a pleasing glimmer in His eyes. It is hard to visualize Him that way, and yet, that is what He tells us Himself.  

Another step forward, looking out the window, was about others. I am not the only one living in this fallen world. Others are fallen as well... broken shards walking with duct tape over their bodies as well. The war and ravishing famine in Somalia is one - Why does God let his happen? A man shot his wife to pieces this summer. Is God not looking? Jaycee Duggard told her story on ABC the other week - she was kidnapped from age 11 and kept as a sex slave untill she escaped at age 29 with her two kids. What can I say now? The God I worship allows this to happen... All these and more personal questions i had. Why all this bad?

Andrew Byers had some of my answers in his book “Faith without Illusions”. He spoke about ‘Hopeful realism’ - not so much cynicism, but not exactly idealism... it's that realistic inbetween where we reconcile the fact that we are in a broken world - we still are, and yet Christ came, died and resurrected. It's in the power of His resurrection.    

So all my brokenness, all of the world’s... all of our fallen melancholies... the injustices in the world... it’s so easy to get frustrated and defeated that He isn’t doing anything. But it’s just as He said in one of His responses to Job (Ch 39 vs. 1-4):

1 “Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?

  Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?

2 Do you count the months till they bear?

  Do you know the time they give birth?

3 They crouch down and bring forth their young;

  their labor pains are ended.

4 Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds;

  they leave and do not return.” 

He knows all that happens and He is still in control. 

    So yes, the world is messed up. That still doesn’t nullify that He is God... and that He is still God with all of the injustice and pain occurring. He is still in control, and He has the power to stop it all in a whim. And yet He chooses not to. For it is in our endurance and in suffering that obedience is borne. It is in that that character, patience and hope is borne for “hope seen is not hope at all” (Romans 8 vs. 24).

In the light of His resurrection, in the light of the fact that He has conquered death and all the ravishing sin in us, in light of the hope that He is restoring our minds, our bodies and our wills to His righteousness, in light of the fact that He is restoring all of creation to Him -

18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[h] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.  (Romans 8).

In light of all of this, we need to remember that we are in the midst of a revolution - we have been since the last days, since His ascension into heaven. He left us in the midst of this overturn of His light eroding the encroaching darkness. We are in the middle of a fighting ground - a war. Fighting ourselves, fighting sin, fighting all the evil and injustices in this world in the light of His grace... in light of the knowledge that He will win in the end. And it has started. That’s is why there is so much off balance - with good still present admist the bad, with beauty still present in the prevalent ugliness. So despite my disillusionment, your questions and our doubts, the Invisible Hand of God is still at work whether we see it or not.
    And I want to live in light of all of this - neither gearing way to much to the left in the brink of my disillusionment and cynicism and anger and bitterness and guilt and shame... nor way to the right thinking the world is all right in the grind of optimistic idealism. I want to acknowledge my brokenness and your brokenness and all of the strife in this world, and i want to acknowledge that is He is fixing it step by step through me, and you and the whole body of Christ spread out all through out the world. I want to love my fellow man even as I love myself... even as I learn to love Him. Not spite or envy or broken ratification... just love, and grace I ask of Him to know just how to do that.

p.s. Yours truly has moved into her new crib and is at graduate school. O Boy, it has been a journey since the start of the year... i'm just here, hiding till classes actually starts... i'm like in a veggie brain state - on forced break till I have to start classes and my next lab rotation. Thanks for your prayers and warmest wishes. Don't forget to keep me in your prayers :)

The Versatility of the Human Spirit

Yes, we are in a broken world - there is so much pain...

Injustice...

Bitterness...

so much oppression...

Broken Bodies walking in a path to find themselves... 

Lost pebbles along the bank of the river... trying to find their way back to the Source.

But somehow, we make it through. 

Somehow even if your heart has been drenched from its core, we stubbornly rise.

Ashes of the phoenix striving towards the new re-birth.

It's one great gift He also gave us - endurance... the ability to overcome. 

More than conquerors - to conquer self.

More than conquerors - to conquer self.

More than conquerors - to conquer self.

Because you see, satisfying the self is what got all this started in the first place.

Self that wants to satisfy its core and lunge from the breath of the One who breathed it to life. 

Self that wants to hurt and jab and pine and bore more holes into the cleave of others.

Self that knows not how to love self back and instead suffocates others by stifling for love.

Self that needs the Compass Himself.

***

And so to every self that has begged for a dime,

buried a loved body,

dragged a broken heart,

asked why the door was shut,

wondered where He was,

cried yourself to sleep not only because you had not,

not only because you wanted more,

but also because you wondered what all this is... this life... this conundrum...

to every self that can identify with the futility of the chasing that we continually put out under this sun...

I say to you - You are Strong. He has made You Strong, and Beautiful in His image.

Circumstances don't show it as we edge on back towards the faint light of Eden...

Your empty pocket, your lonely bed chamber, your broken limb, your fraying memory...

This side of Eden is yet to reflect what your innermost core yearns for...

Regardless... you still have it in you - strength to carry on. Strength to live on.

Strength to strap self off and not only endure, but live through another day.

He is still here... and in silent meanders of the morning dew,

He is still carrying you.

Delightful Find of the Day!

I came across this poem on Jon Acuff's blog. It just brought calm over me. I think I might make this on a plank or something and place it in my brand new apartment :)

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

~ St. Patrick

SugaBelly's Language Challenge

  SugaBelly's Language Challenge by Mwajim Al 

I did say I wanted to do this. *warning - I didn't really know what to say, and I'm out of practice* - *hides face* - Enjoy!

Here is the transcript: 

Usa ma giri mjir na. Thimi aha blogsphere ni mwajim. E kwa Bura, kwa Adamawa State a ha Nigeria. Da ya ya ra azi amma e hara makarantar na ah primary ka sekandary aha vi. E sinda ga di taba gati yare na wa, kuma ya bara ke mji sinda arewa a nijeriya adi baushe kowe wa. Mbur ka yare yare hana kuma shang a buru ka lokto da na hara sur da – adi duku wa. Kuma kullini yaddi sinda sur ya gari wa… so ya za giri. Sai danzi.

Hello my people. My name in the blogsphere is Mwajim. I’m a Bura girl from Adamawa State in Nigeria. I was born here in the United States and did my primary and secondary school at home. I know you have never heard this language before, and I want you all to know what the north of Nigeria isn’t all Hausas (*gasp*, no this was not in Bura). There are different languages, and everyone has a way of doing their thing. And now I don’t know what else to talk about, so I’ll leave you. Later.

Invictus

William Ernest Henley. 1849–1903

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of change
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

 
Invictus means "Unconquerable", and yes, it is inspired by the movie... and the poem. 

I'm beginning to learn the art of learning how to dance lividly in the blasting rays of sunlight that hoist our skies in this weather.  Yes, your payers have kept me at bay, and your loving comments on my last post placed a smile on my face - thank you :) 

I'm enjoying my first rotation and the beginnings of graduate school - every second of it. Sometimes, I get frightened at the reality of it... and think maybe I'm too young for this... or not ready... and then by the end of the day, I realize I want nothing more at this time of my life! This is part of His calling for me :D

Everything is all set for my move to my home institution for my year of classes! It all fell together perfectly... like an orchestrated ensemble. I have a Great Orchestrator on my side after all.

My friend D. made me realize i'm 20 feet under holding onto a ship that has sunk, and somehow, even though I know it has sunk, I'm the lone passenger trying to analyze why it sunk. I've fallen into the art of repeatedly telling myself truths to help me let go. I have a whole lifetime ahead of me... a lifetime where I must allow myself to emerge an Invicta - unconquerable. If I'm going to make it through this life victorious, I must allow "letting-go" become my middle name. 

Yes, I have the outline of my new blog about my new life - as a novice neuroscientist-in-training. I'm doodling over what my first post should be. Mostly because I feel so 'novicey' about what to post. I have much to say, I want to chronicle everything and look back and laugh about how naive I was when I started... I keep stalling. 

I've been dreaming bigger for the past couple of days. It feels like I have the world at my finger tips all over again - like when I first started college. *sigh* must be the novelty of it all.


I should go to bed now... but the fact that I've rediscovered 'The Office' makes it hard. 

Till another time my friends. 

Later.