Monday, December 27, 2010

Adieu and Hello.

            Crossroads. Ample beginnings – beautiful and succulent, you can almost taste it. Disastrous endings – ruining and bitter – your tongue retracts in disgust. Questions about self. Questions about God. Questions about tomorrow. Questions about satisfaction. Questions about happiness. You have them answered, or so you think after digging through tons of ink on paper… scrawling through the worldwide web… listening in on discussions… spending hours mapping out paths in your head. You were wrong. But then it comes like a flood one day – first as trickles, and then bursting into an over-washing torrent. The light comes on. You found yourself – your questions have been answered. And afterwards you run into another block – it is a cycle after all.
       And so for all the times of laughter and tears, screams and muffled sounds, blank oblivion and heightened awareness, enforced confidence and dispersed timidity, graceful acceptances and forced rejections, smiles and frowns – you either shrug in indifference or laugh with assurance. 2010 had them all, 2011 will have them again – simple cycle. The question is, since you know its just all a cycle, how are you going to adjust your attitude for the same recurrences? Yes, the New Year may not have the same exact events, but it will be a camouflage of events past. You could keep pining in anger or indifference or shame or [insert whatever adjectives that describe you putting yourself down], or you could adjust and be happy, smile, be content, welcome wholesomeness, live passionately and without regrets, live contentedly, and [insert whatever adjective to describe that motivating way of living life to conquer all odds]. And how you set about to do it matters, living life beautifully that is.
       As for me, I’ll be making that list and analyzing it for years to come – no not a new year’s resolution (I never keep those). Let’s call it a life list – things that are always at my crossroads, things that I will be possibly working on my whole life. At the core of this life list is be satisfied within His Will, no matter what situation I find myself in. This will produce sweat beads – no doubt, and yet, I have no doubts that within His Will is perfect peace and happiness (which is what we all want anyhow).
       So join me as we toast 2010 goodbye, and raise our glasses to 2011. I’ll be enjoying the freezing air of the big apple as I get ushered into the New Year – see you in January. Happy New Years!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

'JC's Birthday' aka Merry Christmas!!!

Isaiah 9 (NIV):  

Verse 2:  
The people walking in darkness 
   have seen a great light; 
on those living in the land of deep darkness 
   a light has dawned. 

Verse 6:
 For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given,
   and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Monday, December 20, 2010

As I am

I’m always talking to myself about opening up more to people. “Self-acclaimed introvert” as I proclaim to be, I always have an aching to want to be so close to someone that I can feel their heartbeat move in synonym with mine. No – this time I am not talking about God-expectations from people as I did earlier. I am talking about good old-fashioned companionship. Sometimes at the trough of my sinusoidal feelings, I suddenly panic and feel that I have no one to talk to. I know it’s a lie – there are people all around me that I can talk to, that can relate to me. So what stops me from just opening up and saying what bothers me? What prevents me from answering the posed question: “How are you today?” with “I am not okay – I woke up this morning with a hundred things on my mind, all about my tomorrow, and I know I trust Jesus but today I just don’t feel like pushing all my worries on/talking to Him, they haunt me and I just want you/someone physically next to me to listen to me and hear me cry.” Okay so maybe not that response as abashed in its verbatim form, but you get my drift.
I don’t know about you but I am terrified of people seeing me just the way I am – scared. I would prefer to keep it mostly in as a result. If I don’t voice it out it doesn’t become real after all like a friend once said to me. But then the contemplation becomes unbearable in my head – I would just have to say it out. The finale being that she ‘sees’ me – doubtful as I am. He ‘sees’ me – skeptical as I am. They ‘see’ me – docile out of fear of the unknown.
If we all truly showed our inner cores would we be able to deal with it? I keep wanting to open up more – would you/he/she/they accept me as I am? If he/she/they all opened up to me their innermost fragile parts would I run away in disgust pretending I am better? Would I respond that it doesn’t matter because I am the same way and let them know I understand? Or would I sit and do nothing because I am numbed that vulnerability and room for community has come to over take any pride and wallowed pretense?
What would you do?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Sharing 4

Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham’s descendants. For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.  Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Hebrews 2:14-18 (NIV)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Year One - Gold

It has been days - 365 days to be exact when i crawled out of an already cracked shell and wrote my very first post - YOU. In the beginning, there wasn’t a definite plan you know - I just wanted to write, you know fuel the dream of publishing by age 20. I was already late anyways since I sat depressed on my birthday that year, reflecting in front of my physics textbook and realizing I failed my 15-year-old dream.
But that is the beauty of death - any kind of death really... the ashes force you to look into the change. New life begins with two choices - you could keep looking back or you could forge ahead with ashes clutched in hand as a reminder that your perspective needs to keep changing. And so this-change came, and so did the focus of this blog. It is now about healing from the inside to the outside. And it is hard because I am still a sinner in the continual rehab of His Grace. I am realizing that I never had all the answers even though I would like to presume and show that I do. Every time I think I have arrived - I realize I only took baby steps instead.
And there are many more, each post has a death and new life flow attached to it. I would love to open up more and say which each specific was/is you know - be bare and transparent and show you just how broken I am and let you see for yourself that it doesn’t matter if you are the same way too, more or less because He still is able to turn you around and over. And that is something along the lines of what my friend M spoke to me about. Opening up more, instead of leaving posts still on the periphery. And also, interjecting my faith verbally and physically, rather than just-pen-on-paper. Its a challenge... something that will be life long, even beyond this blog.
So i invite you, dear person whose eyes move across his/her screen, to keep me accountable. If this is your first time, welcome. If you have been here somewhere between day 0 and day 365 - thank you. There is going to be change - there are plans popping in my head, when i think about them, my blood gets warm and i feel my passion re-awakening. And I want to unveil them to you - patience is the key. I will soon share them with you, in excitement. I do hope you keep coming back and that somehow these words, of which i don’t believe originate from me alone, but somehow the Big-Man up there ignited the start of this something, touch you somewhere and inspire you to want to know Him.

Have a great week ahead!

And Happy Holidays in Advance :D - Check this out!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Since you are out Christmas shopping...

Hey There, 

As you plan to spend that $10 - $1,000's shopping this season, don't forget to remember someone out there whose life you could change by donating as little as $10 for mosquito nets. You'll be glad you did :) Cheers!!!

Click on the link here:  2010 Samaritan's Purse Gift Catalog

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Turnover Tuesdays V - On Knowing the Next Step Part 1

I’ve had this constant minute little bother on my mind lately. You know the one that keeps you wondering, catches you silently as you walk to your destination, and creeps in on your mind when the first ray of sunshine falls on your eyes. I’m falling into this push-and-pull state of complacency vs onward marching… in Him.

We’ve been talking you know, when my eyes flicker open at dawn… we talk when I swiftly glide ashore the beds of sleep… and yet I feel that I haven’t heard from Him. Its like I miss Him, and yet I know He is here. I’ve been talking but on the peripheral. I’ve been reading His word but without much reflection. I haven’t even written my personal love letters to Him as consistently as I used to.

And so it seems I’m at cross-roads.

I could consistently go on the way things are right now, and continue in my new state of complacency… or I could opt for change.

There is so much more – I know there is. Like when I say I want to learn to keep opening up into deeper relationships with people. Like when I say I want to learn how to intercede for people. Like when I say I want to keep knowing Him more than just paper and pen, words on paper, words from the pulpit, sermons from the internet. Like when I say I want to charge my life over to Him without doubts. Like when I say I want to speak truth with grace regardless of what others feel or say about me. Like when I say I want to understand much more of my worth as a girl/woman in Him. Like when I say I want to touch his/her/their lives in ways bigger than I can possibly imagine with the grace of His touch. Like when I say I just want to light a candle of warmth next to your broken self.

The ancient question is but how?

Image Credits: google image.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving :D

... for slipped handshakes
... for awkward smiles
... for random hugs
... for quickly shed tears
... for hoarse laughter
... for loved ones in distant galaxies
... for hard work that makes you want to bleed
... for split-fractioned seconds of the day when you want to give up
... for endless moments of the day when you know you will make it
... for the Sacred Shifter of time and space who knows our innermost cores and keeps us afloat through the tides of life

I want to say I'm thankful. So feast hard like Monday will never come, laugh like tears will never flow from your eye lids and sleep like this will be the last weekend of blissful forgetfulness. 

Have yourself a beautiful thanksgiving. 

Mwajim Al.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Meandering Mondays III - A Secret

Hush now! Let me tell you a secret. A big secret… one that I’m afraid to say out loud to many people… probably anyone.

I feel like running away to hide most of the time.

I want to hide for cover. I want to run from life's daily activities. I just want to hide under my blankets and pray and cling to Him as he heals my weary self. I dread going out, meeting the outside world… stepping out of my comfort zone. Not because I’m a self-acclaimed introvert, or because I’m shy and awkward most of the time – no, not that. It is because I just want to remain stainless. I know if I run into him, I will probably remember all the things about him that upsets me, and I’ll forget that I’ve forgiven. If I interact with her, I will judge and condemn away as though I’m sinless. If I run into them, I will turn up my nose like a constipated aristocrat that knows not where the loo lies. And so I want to hide under the sheets with the just whitened garment he has given me so that I won’t stain them again.

But if I hide, how would I know if He has really changed me? How does He test my love for Him otherwise? If all I do is run from hoops and hurdles, how do I get stronger for the beauty He has created me for?

And so, when I run into him, I’ll ask for grace. I’ll feel the pang of anger, and fear, and resentment and ask for His grace to over-wash me and give me a heart of forgiveness. When I interact with her, I’ll remember the messed up person I am, and how I’m not mess-free after all – I’m still a pot being molded. And when I run into them, I’ll ask for grace to be humble, I’ll ask to be broken down; I’ll ask to be reminded that all I have, all I am, and all I ever was can only be found in Him and nothing else.

            I am going to stop wanting to hide, or run and yield instead.

            Are you?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tangible Vs. Intangible

My heart is evil;
Quick to hold onto the tangible…
That which manifests itself in physical form.

My heart is evil;
Quick to forget that what moves me…
Is unseen.

My heart quickly forgets that the One who streaks the night sky with stars,
Is too mighty to appear according to my whimsical wishes.

My heart forgets that He uses the physical to mold me,
And not be my cornerstone.
Moldings for seasons…
Moldings for lifetimes…
Not cornerstones.

My. Heart. Forgets. That. My. Only. Cornerstone. Is. None. But. Jesus.
Not you, not him, not her, not them, not us.
Just. Jesus. 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Acts of Faith: Being Thankful

Despite broken promises and hushed good byes and forgotten kisses.
Despite long wanted hugs, and far-away cuddles and swollen pride.
Despite stifled laughter, suppressed smiles and washed away shouts…

I’m still thankful.

There are stronger promises still. Pushed back good byes, and fresh kisses.
There are lingering hugs, present cuddles and blazed humility present.
There is roaring laughter, glowing smiles and echoed shouts…

Here and Now in the present.

I’m thankful.

There is more on the way – greater than I’ve ever fathomed.

[For a split second today, I looked back like Lot’s wife to count my losses and moan about the past].
[I had to slap myself out of it – how dare I ignore the precious gift of the present ?]

And so I’m thankful.
Thankful that she is here.
Thankful that he is here.
Thankful that you are here.
Thankful that they are here.
Thankful at YOU.

And I’m even more thankful that she was here…
That he was here…
That they were here…
That we were there.

I don’t know what you have in store yet – but I know I’m safe because you’ve already crafted my path from my inception to demise.

So thank you J

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Acts of Faith: Stepping-In

This girl here never learnt how to ride a bicycle – she was too scared. She was too afraid... of scraping her knee, falling to the floor and hurting herself. She did fall the first time. She did scrape her knee. But she never got back up – she gave up and walked away.
She believed in doing that for so long – walking away. Walking away from friends. Walking away from loved ones. Closing up and detaching from those who want to come in – just walking away…
Then one day she opened up. A little slit that let a ray of sunshine. She opened further and bloomed further, blossoming into this constant metamorphic being… until she fell and scraped her knee again. The bruise was worse this time, deeper than the first scrape on her knee…
 But then she could decide to recoil back to herself or let go and open further for grace and grace only to abound. She could close up and hurt and stab back, or she could ease into the momentous flickers of life that turn on and off. She could turn around and run or she could stay and bear…
In as much as stepping-out is a hassle… so is stepping-in. Stepping-in-to-the-unknown. Stepping-in-to-out-of-control-happenings. Stepping-in-to-change. Stepping-in-to-what-is-in-the-hands-of-the-Maker-only. Stepping-in-to-warmth. Stepping-in-to-doubts-you-must-overcome-because-your-faith-overcomes. Stepping-in-to-plans-that-reflect-as-an-act-of-faith. Stepping-in-to-whirlwinds-where-you-dare-only-Him-to-carry-you-through. Stepping-in-to-new-imprints-on-new-lives. Stepping-in-even-though-afraid. Stepping-in.
And so, she let Him nurse that wound, making the skin newer than it was. She let Him let her be open. She lets Him now usher her into the sunset as she hears the freefalling laughter from the persons around. 

Turnover Tuesdays IV

"these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
i'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
i'm there through your heartache
i'm there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i don't care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends"

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Sharing 3

Colossians 1 (The Message): 

15-18We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.

 18-20He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Meandering Mondays II - On Being Still

For when I feel lonely, scared and frustrated, the verse from Psalms 46 vs. 10 (NIV) always comforts me. I hear Him whispering, soothing a balm over my worries:
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
            It is very easy to yearn and plead for peace… to desire stillness when your soul is in turmoil… disquiet. It is like falling from prince-hood. You look back and reflect on the days when servants beckoned to your every whim and wish. You wish you never took that lavishness for granted and pray for the current clouds to be lifted off.
            But how about when there is peace? How do I keep still when I’m not lonely or scared or frustrated?
            Maybe the state of not feeling so is a fa├žade. There is always something to fight through, something that requires peace. Even so, how do I keep still?
            A few months back, I was going through something that required me to “Be still”. For me, that meant not worrying… not over-analyzing… not crying… learning to smile from the heart even though all I wanted to do was scream.
            A few years ago, I went through something that also required me to “Be still”. That meant, laughing even when they jeered. That meant answering boldly even when questioned. That meant, actually sitting still and waiting in patience because of a fact, my paved future isn’t mine to design.
            And now, there are things I could have sleepless nights over… things I could ponder over… things that the old me would refuse a drink of water over… and at times, my old self does fight to re-emerge to worry, and yet, all I hear is “Be still”. So if I’m not actively worrying or crying or frowning, am I not being still?
            A new kind of stillness is beckoning, one that involves more than not just NOT worrying or crying or frowning. A new kind of stillness where I actively seek out being away from myself, rather than focusing on my ego-centered problems. A new kind of stillness where I spend time with community, people I want to know more, people I want to learn about… this kind of stillness where I see Him work not only in my life but also in the life of others and in the artifacts of redeemed and wholesome relationships. A new kind of stillness where I flippantly allow him to change this self-acclaimed recovering introverted sinner into a healed wholesome continuously redeemed lover of her savior. A new kind of stillness where it isn’t love just spoken or written about but lived out and acted out. A new kind of stillness that involves stretching at the same time.
            Who knew being still could mean being active in Him?
            I want to challenge you to look and perhaps share on ways you have been called to be still before God.
            Have a great Monday – this is a week of beautiful continuation J

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sharing 2

Philippians 1: 9-11 (The Message):

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. 
Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Letting Go

I’m currently in this state where I have so much to say and yet at the same time, do not posses the articulate symphony to orchestrate down on paper. I blame this state of being on the retreat I attended a week or so ago. It was hosted by Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. The blame is a good kind of blame. You know how retreats or camps are  - so charged, and wholesome and liberating and optimistic. While you are there, you feel like you can change the world with just the flicker of candlelight. Well, that is exactly how I felt while there. And at the same time, being at retreats open up these strongholds you’ve held in your life for so long… well at least the messages preached there opened a lot of strongholds in my life. And that is where I’ve been. In a swarming state of change where I’ve looked at those strongholds that I’ve held onto for so long… places in my innermost core that I refused to let the God who knitted me in the womb touch and heal… places that I refused to let His word permeate. It was discovering those places, and reflecting on them since I got home and being more aware of more things that I need to lay at his feet that has got me feeling like I have so much to say, and yet at the same time, nothing to say.

My stronghold has been in the area of letting go. I’ve held on to so many things that you could see the “knuckles of my hands go white”. Its like holding on so bad to something because you irreverently refuse to change despite the fact that you know that is not who you are meant to be. The speaker we had was Pastor Matthew Boone, he works predominately in the prison ministry in Lancaster, P.A. There was something he said about change that struck a cord: “You can only change when the pain of being the same is greater than the pain of changing.” I guess the pain of holding on too tight just got greater that night. One day, I pray I’ll be strong enough to write about that stronghold and tell you the beautiful story of how God healed me and is still healing me. I held onto things that I had no place holding onto. The things that hurt us, the things people do to us, say to us, force us to do that break us down leads us to think that we can survive by holding onto them. We think that just maybe by holding onto it, we become stronger and somehow we can hurt them back by never letting go. The truth is that when we hold onto things, they latch back onto us in the same regard. That process of holding on creates and brings out the worst in us… and the worst thing isn’t the worst side of us, it’s the fact that we misplace the reason for our actions. We never realize that we are holding onto things that God only is meant to cover.

I hope I can write to the full extent how much I had let so much anger, and frustration and bitterness hold onto me... one day. Maybe I will. Maybe I will never be given the grace to. But one thing I do want you to know is that it doesn’t matter what she did or said, what he said or did, what they did or didn’t do, say or didn’t say, what we did or didn’t say or what you did or didn’t do and say or didn’t say… just let it go. God has the power to heal all of that, I mean you must be tired by now, weary and ladded with all that hurt and bitterness and frustration and pain. Just let it go – give it to Him. Afterall, He created you, and he knows how to deal with what you are going through. I’ve been there, and once you let go and let Him, even a feather will have nothing on you as to how light you will be in His grace!

My prayer is that whoever you are, whatever it is you are going through, that you realize that you are not alone, and despite what you may think or feel, God loves you so much and is knocking at the door of your heart and wants you to let Him in.

Have a great rest of the week… I know I will J

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sharing 1

 "Come on, let's go back to God. He hurt us, but he'll heal us.
He hit us hard, 
   but he'll put us right again.
In a couple of days we'll feel better. 
   By the third day he'll have made us brand-new,
Alive and on our feet, 
   fit to face him.
We're ready to study God, 
   eager for God-knowledge.
As sure as dawn breaks, 
   so sure is his daily arrival.
He comes as rain comes, 
   as spring rain refreshing the ground."

"What am I to do with you, Ephraim?
   What do I make of you, Judah?
Your declarations of love last no longer
   than morning mist and predawn dew.
That's why I use prophets to shake you to attention,
   why my words cut you to the quick:
To wake you up to my judgment
   blazing like light.

I'm after love that lasts, not more religion.
   I want you to know God, not go to more prayer meetings.

You broke the covenant—just like Adam!
   You broke faith with me—ungrateful wretches!

Hosea 6:1-7 (The Message)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Being In-Love.

p.s. this is a long post :D

I have this image in my head of the kind of “being in-love” state I want to partake in. There was/is/will be (your pick) a man. And then there would be me – a woman. We would have this electric union of souls where he understands my very core, and I understand his. It is like one look at him and I just feel safe and know that all I want to complain and whine about will be received without judgment. I would sit and pine about all my fears, and worries; and he would listen.  I would share every shred of joy and happiness with him – literally every second. I would punch and push and beat him – and of course he wouldn’t mind and he would take it all in… you know?
         Sound familiar yet?
         I have this idealized vision of someone that satisfies me to my very soul. Its like we are always in sync. One that I can love and trust without restraint. The perfect person who loves me to perfection – he would never fail…
And that is just where the problem lays – my expectations.
         I expect him to do everything perfectly, and yet, I still understand my perfection can only go as far because I’m human. I don’t expect him to be imperfect.
         I have been sick with this expectation for years. Measuring people up to an idealized vision of what I want my relations with people to be like. In every corner that friendships or relationships come from, I extrapolate an image of receiving undying trust and love without fail. I place them in a ‘God-box’… and when they fail – of course, I get bitter.
           I was reading this post and this one from a series on Grace from Emily’s blog  ‘Chatting at the Sky’ when it hit me. My ideology of perfection streams from my assumption that they won’t fail. Yes, I should be optimistic and open-minded about people – I ought to be. However, how about that room for failure? Why am I so taken aback when people’s reality gets projected into my idealistic state?
         And the craving for perfect love – that craving isn’t meant to be satisfied by another human being. It was never meant to be. Yes, I was created with this craving, longing and desire to have unrequited love – we all deserve unconditional love – someone we can run to no matter how many times we have fallen. We deserve someone to embrace us un-relentlessly without judgment. But the thing is that I can’t love anybody un-relentlessly – I get tired. I can’t love without internal grumblings (why must it be me ehh?).  I can’t always be there. And, if I can’t why would I expect another human being – fallible, as I am to do likewise?
         This is where He comes in. Perfection itself. Love itself. Grace consumed with justice. Un-relentless, never failing, always-there-kind-of-love – the one where you scream and yell and curse and question… and HE STILL TAKES YOU BACK. The one where you squander all your wealth and forget your worth – and HE STILL TREATS YOU LIKE RARE DIAMOND. The kind where you wish to be satisfied and over-flowing with more, and He never tires of giving more. Its like what Jesus said to the Samaritan woman (My favorite Bible story by the way) in John 4:13-14 (NIV): “Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."”
This is the kind of yearning that David spoke of in Psalms 42: 1-2 (NIV):
“As the deer pants for streams of water,
   so my soul pants for you, O God.
  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 
When can I go and meet with God”
The kind of yearning only God can satisfy.
My prayer is that you recognize this yearning – and no, I’m not saying that a yearning to be married or in a relationship or to have friends is a masked yearning for God, because God did create a yearning for companionship in us for a reason – Genesis 2:18 (NIV): The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." I am talking about that deep-rooted desire that we have of unreasonable expectations from people (or am I the only one who has this?). I am talking that ridiculous need for someone to satisfy, of which when we discover that that person/thing can’t meet up, we become so down trodden and empty (and I know you know what I’m talking about). This desire can’t be met or satisfied by anyone or anything other than Christ Jesus – God made flesh. And it is only by understanding that, and believing Him and letting Him take care of my unreasonable and broken expectations from people that I can then come to truly love people unconditionally. It is only then that I can learn to truly see people as what they are – fallible as I am and allow room for failures - graciously. Understanding that He alone satisfies my out-this-world expectations and not projecting that on someone else or something else makes it easier to engage in relationships and friendships and expect that I don’t have to worry about being hurt because my expectations are in the right place.
So back to my prayer – that you recognize this desire and let God fulfill that desire for you. That your friendships, relationships and marriages are renewed and restored with the right expectations and that you allow room for failures and forgiveness just as He graciously forgives and forgets.

P.S. I will be away this weekend for my fellowship’s fall retreat (IVCF)… woooooaaaaahhhh!!!
I’m soooo excited. If you’ve ever been to a campus fellowship retreat, you’ll understand.

Have yourself a beautiful weekend :D 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Turnover Tuesdays III - Cycle


Flickers of light.
Increased smiles.
Shadows in the dark.

Tandems of happenings that make you want to fast-forward through life.
You’ll be ashamed when you press that button though.

Ashamed that you just existed… just went through the motions.

When you throw pebbles, throw them angrily.
When you shed tears, shed them emphatically.
When you share laughter, share cheerfully.
When you see autumn, embrace it forcefully.

Regardless, light still follows the dark.
Why not go through the cycle with a smile on your face?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Turnover Tuesdays II - Regrets

I wish I hadn’t met him
…I wish I hadn’t met her
…I wish I hadn’t met them

Wishful wishes that make you forget the beauty of the red autumn leaves that fall carelessly to the will of the Maker.

Wishful wishes that mask regrets on a sunny afternoon… one of the last few before the absence of the sun.

…I wish he hadn’t left
…I wish she hadn’t left
…I wish I hadn’t left

you sit and you wish upon stars in broad day light. If you hadn’t taken those paths you wouldn’t be sitting still watching the autumn leaves fall, appreciating the beauty of the current cycle.

Red autumn leaves fall… people fall away. Winter comes, just like a trying period that always hits relationships. When spring comes, new leaves sprout up – stronger and more beautiful than the previous season. After all trying periods, relationships meant to be do grow stronger – are still present. Those that fall away – like the red autumn leaves, were never meant to stay in the first place. Have no regrets.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Acts of Faith: Stepping-Out Part 6

Finally Here -----> 

Image w/out annotated circle from:

Thursday, October 7, 2010

At the moment...

... of school, graduate school applications, thinking/plotting the future, missing home, realizing-how-hard-life-is-at-night... uuuggghhhh!


On the flip side this is a mood lifter!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My Will vs HIS Will

Somehow, over the past couple of days, I’ve forgotten my life lesson of 2010 extravaganza. I’ve fallen prey to idle self-imposed ambitions that lead to swirly directionless dreams – the kind you spend conjuring up in your imaginative box for years and wake up heartbroken because the Maker decided its time you woke up to His reality.

I’ve been telling myself the past couple of weeks that I’ve learnt my life lesson. I’ve sat myself down through different personal therapies where I’ve written my mistakes, regrets, appreciations and apologies. And yet, here I am in a certain corner where shadows of the past threaten to lurk back in, only this time in the shape of a new box. The difference is this time I see my old self and what she would have potentially done… I see the mistakes she made… I see how fast she sped… I see how she could ruin this new box (if it should turn into a box).

Then I realize that the box could either be my will or His. I could struggle the old way again – defy Him and His plans and wisk away in an imaginative swirl of bad balls and wrong pitching. Or… I could just surrender to Him. One of the girls from my small group bible study last night said something to me about how worrying is a testament to our faith. I could worry like the past couple of Alice-In-Wonderland-boxed-up years and yell at Him for misplaced ambitions… Or I could just surrender and see what crazy plan He has in store… Surrendering is easier no? I mean who likes to be in control right?


I want to be in control – but I screw up – ALL THE TIME! I’m obviously a bad driver.
That being said, I’m going to wear on my fall boots and follow after Him in the windy weather as He keeps urging that going with what is on ground… pitching with faith… pitching with peace is best. 

Monday, October 4, 2010

You :D

Have a Great Week – You DESERVE IT!!!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Felicity Fridays I

The fifth day of the week - synonymous with celebration. We celebrate that we’ve gotten through a week of rains, drought, storms, famine, snowstorms or avalanches – depending on what part of the world you live in. we celebrate that two solid days are given to sleep in, again, depending on what part of the world you live in. We celebrate that we’ve cried, laughed, screamed, yelled, smiled, pouted, slept and lazily risen up through the past 5 solid days. We celebrate that God is ever willing to keep seeing us through. We celebrate that He wants us to live and not just exist. We celebrate that He wants us to continually scale through with strength and armor from Him for each day of the week.

Here is a pleasant laugh I want to share with you (not my work, by Dales Designs) -

Have a Great Weekend :D