Friday, April 23, 2010

Ten Things I *HEART*

So I was tagged in the *Ten things I love* thingy that is going on by Suru and Blowing Blessings Your Way, and I guess am going to continue it and pass it along as well :)

See this is a kind of hard one because there are a lot a of things I love... so am going to start, take the top 3 as priorities and the middle ones in no particular order...
1. God - I am still trying to adjust my image of him from this conventional bearded Man that sits in white robes to one, hopefully, that truly defines him... not in a physical sense, more in an intangible way.
2. Family - I love them to death... I used to fight with my siblings like crazy, infact, it seemed like we were the only siblings that fought... and my parents, ahh! my super heros!!!
3. him - ... *enough said*...
4. Research - Sorry if this sounds dorky, but i think pipettes are *awesome*... I love trying to find out if my PCR worked or not... or if my transfections worked or not... nerve wreaking, but *surreal*.
5. Books - Unfortunately, I don't read as much as I used to... too many textbooks to read already
6. Motivational/Inspirational Bibs - I love reading/hearing or knowing pick-me-ups/pick-me-up people. It never fails to put a smile on my face and re-ignite that fire within.
7. Sugar - I have a shamless unrecovering sweet tooth... you name it: Tiramisu, Ice-cream, chocolate... I do them all :)
8. Writing - ahh how could I forget that... but what is this thing I do without my pen  laptop/word processor?
9. Relationships - In general with people. I am a recovering Introvert, so I still don't pick up my phone and call people to know how they are doing... I used to think relationships didn't matter, and that it would all come with with success. However, a quote I heard of C.S. Lewis pretty much sums up my new notion: "You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations — these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit — immortal horrors or everlasting splendours." This quote is from his book Weight of Glory. Definitely need to read it, that quote made me realize the real reason we were created is still ever prevalent - created for fellowship, a relationship with foremost our Creator and with one another. 
10. Stuffed Animals - Yes I am old, and my room is still filled with teddys... :) It cracks my parents up every single time.

This is what I think sums up a bit of me... if you are tagged, carry it on will ya? I now pass it on to JayceeImotedaJuiceegalNice AnonOriginal MgbekeBimpe and a host of others that would like to join the game. Have fun!!!

Monday, April 19, 2010


You say wait...

But there is this thing about waiting...

I am happy, for a while...
happiness turns to expectation...
with each expectation, hope raises...
with each raise in hopes not met,
they get dashed...
my hopes then turn to flickers.

Yet, You say wait...

But the thing about waiting is that...

I grow weary and tired.
My flickers of hope wane 
with each downturn...
Hope turns into doubt...
Its so horrible being there...
because I doubt even the air I breathe.

You still say wait...

But the thing about waiting is that...

My doubts turn into fears,
fears so enormous and gigantic,
they engulf and overwhelm me...
so much so that I think am holding my last breath...

Yet You still want me to wait...

But there is this thing about waiting...

What do I do while I wait?
How do I not go through the motions?
Wouldn't it be horrible if all I lived my life for was just what I was waiting for?
How about living for something bigger than the expectation?

So while I am still clinging to the hem of Your garment,
teach me how to wait...

I will keep on waiting.

I do hope you have all had the start to a pleasant week. You know, I woke up yesterday feeling miserable, kind of like one of those old feelings you thought you had conquered a long time ago. That feeling alone triggered so much fear and doubt that i felt unbalanced through today... but you know what? The devil is a liar! Indeed, all that has been washed anew is a new creation. I just had so many fears about many unfulfilled paths I am still waiting and trusting God for, and I had let that take a huge toll on me. Thank His Name for the Comforter that sustains us all. I just want you to know that no matter what area of your life you may be waiting on Him for, remember that our strength will continue to rise as we wait on Him. The hardest part is that waiting period, and what we do as we wait counts, because that is the period of refining and molding. So as you wait, how are you going to let Him refine you?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Looking back...

I hope you have all enjoyed splendid weather this week. The past couple of days in MD have been absolutely beautiful... *sigh* finally able to wear flip-flops again :) I spent a couple of minutes earlier this week filing out an application to be a Bible Study Leader in my campus fellowship (*Crossing fingers that I end up getting it*), and one of the questions had me threading down memory lane. The question asked: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”  -- Galatians 5:22-23. In light of this Scripture, discuss one or two fruits of the Spirit (e.g. peace, goodness) God has been growing in your life.

Honestly, the question kind of took me aback, I guess more because I didn't expect it and that I actually had something to say... the first thing that came to my mind was about peace. Looking back say four to five years ago, I was in a very tumultuous place in my life. There was no sense of direction on what turn my life would take, and that threw me into utter despair. Yes, I prayed... a lot! But to me, what I was praying for seemed so far-fetched and almost impossible. People close to me who knew what was happening all told me to settle for less. This was the time I knew that my family had my back no matter what... i was totally lost, confused and angry, and yet they put up with me. My dad had to sit me down and have a talk with me because he saw that I was utterly frustrated, and angry. It was almost as though I didn't understand that things happen for a reason. I was so caught up in the moment, in the present of my situation... forgetting God's bountiful provision in the past, and his numerous promises for the future. I would wake up angry, wouldn't eat all day and would go to bed angry... just angry at the world, myself... my situation. And when my anger subsided, i was in pieces. I was just uncontrollably fretful... worried about this, and that, and them and us... just things that looking back now, it all seems so trivial because everything has worked out for the best so far. 

When my problem was solved, I truly believed I would never be angry, or sad or ever want. I thought that the aftermath of that storm would be my real satisfaction. I was wrong. New problems came up with every new step I made. This time, I resorted to worrying and sadness. I would worry about my next move, and all the possible ways it could go wrong. I feared myself, I feared people and worst of all, I cut myself off from talking to the One Person that could truly put me at ease... I continued my tradition of worrying until of course the Big Man up there got my attention. All the things I worried about, in some way or the other, came crashing down. I used them as security blankets, and when it got taken away, I realized that I had been building foundations on sinking grounds. I had to stop, re-evaluate, re-prioritize and realize that God is all I need and this same Person who left his throne to restore my soul loves me enough to want me to cast all my cares on Him. And so the long journey started of learning not to fret. I can easily let my mind wander from re-evaluating the past time and time again in order to understand a situation and predict the future. In the end, I have no power in the future, I can't trust my will to bend the future, and neither can any human being mold it for me. So i started to learn to trust completely with everything... and I mean everything in God. And, because faith must be backed up by works... it has been hard because a lot of my trusting means taking that leap of faith in the direction you are trusting Him for and leaving the rest for Him. Time and time again I fall, and yet he still keeps urging me on... The beautiful thing about this trust and falling while trying is the insurmountable... overwhelming peace that calms me to numbness... It is like there was this raging storm in me all along and just one day, step by step it was stilled. Seeing that question made me realize that this was the peace being spoken of, a fruit of the Spirit. I was pleased as I looked at the other fruits of the Spirit and realized that indeed God is at work in my life in more ways than I even imagined. I can only pray and hope that those fruits keep growing in my life. 

So what fruit are you praying for the Spirit to work in your life? Remember, no matter who you are, or what it is, HE has the power to calm that storm in you. Have a great week :)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

It Rains.

It rains,
sometimes droplets,
sometimes torrents.

And as each drop falls
on my uncovered head,
As each drop threatens
to soak my just dried dress,
I stare at the passers-by...
hoping, wishing...

Would they lend me an umbrella?
Would they share an umbrella?
Would they stand with me?
Would they stand across from me?

Or would they just pass by?

The drops don't stop,
it goes on longer than I imagined.
It affects the ones that decide to stand with me,
now they don't have umbrellas either.

Where is that ray of sunshine of Yours?
Wasn't it supposed to come after the rain?
How much longer till the rain stops?

We'll be waiting till the rain ceases.

~Dedicated to B~

    I hope you are all having a splendid Easter. I know I am. I am so excited because this is the first Easter that I have seen Christ in a different light. It used to be so mechanical, 'claiming' to celebrate him because of his love. Honestly, I never understood what that love meant. I still don't fully understand... I guess I can only hope to one day comprehend the full extent of His love.
    Have a blessed week and remember that no matter what phase you are passing through right now, there is always light at the end of the tunnel!