Thursday, July 28, 2011

Delightful Find of the Day!

I came across this poem on Jon Acuff's blog. It just brought calm over me. I think I might make this on a plank or something and place it in my brand new apartment :)

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

~ St. Patrick

Monday, July 25, 2011

SugaBelly's Language Challenge

  SugaBelly's Language Challenge by Mwajim Al 

I did say I wanted to do this. *warning - I didn't really know what to say, and I'm out of practice* - *hides face* - Enjoy!

Here is the transcript: 

Usa ma giri mjir na. Thimi aha blogsphere ni mwajim. E kwa Bura, kwa Adamawa State a ha Nigeria. Da ya ya ra azi amma e hara makarantar na ah primary ka sekandary aha vi. E sinda ga di taba gati yare na wa, kuma ya bara ke mji sinda arewa a nijeriya adi baushe kowe wa. Mbur ka yare yare hana kuma shang a buru ka lokto da na hara sur da – adi duku wa. Kuma kullini yaddi sinda sur ya gari wa… so ya za giri. Sai danzi.

Hello my people. My name in the blogsphere is Mwajim. I’m a Bura girl from Adamawa State in Nigeria. I was born here in the United States and did my primary and secondary school at home. I know you have never heard this language before, and I want you all to know what the north of Nigeria isn’t all Hausas (*gasp*, no this was not in Bura). There are different languages, and everyone has a way of doing their thing. And now I don’t know what else to talk about, so I’ll leave you. Later.


William Ernest Henley. 1849–1903

OUT of the night that covers me,
  Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
  For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
  I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of change
  My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
  Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
  How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
  I am the captain of my soul.
Invictus means "Unconquerable", and yes, it is inspired by the movie... and the poem. 

I'm beginning to learn the art of learning how to dance lividly in the blasting rays of sunlight that hoist our skies in this weather.  Yes, your payers have kept me at bay, and your loving comments on my last post placed a smile on my face - thank you :) 

I'm enjoying my first rotation and the beginnings of graduate school - every second of it. Sometimes, I get frightened at the reality of it... and think maybe I'm too young for this... or not ready... and then by the end of the day, I realize I want nothing more at this time of my life! This is part of His calling for me :D

Everything is all set for my move to my home institution for my year of classes! It all fell together perfectly... like an orchestrated ensemble. I have a Great Orchestrator on my side after all.

My friend D. made me realize i'm 20 feet under holding onto a ship that has sunk, and somehow, even though I know it has sunk, I'm the lone passenger trying to analyze why it sunk. I've fallen into the art of repeatedly telling myself truths to help me let go. I have a whole lifetime ahead of me... a lifetime where I must allow myself to emerge an Invicta - unconquerable. If I'm going to make it through this life victorious, I must allow "letting-go" become my middle name. 

Yes, I have the outline of my new blog about my new life - as a novice neuroscientist-in-training. I'm doodling over what my first post should be. Mostly because I feel so 'novicey' about what to post. I have much to say, I want to chronicle everything and look back and laugh about how naive I was when I started... I keep stalling. 

I've been dreaming bigger for the past couple of days. It feels like I have the world at my finger tips all over again - like when I first started college. *sigh* must be the novelty of it all.

I should go to bed now... but the fact that I've rediscovered 'The Office' makes it hard. 

Till another time my friends. 


Monday, July 18, 2011

I have a confession

I've been disillusioned for the past two months or so... maybe even more time than that. And its not just that feeling, there has been anger, and sadness and guilt... and more.... This song explains a bit of how I've been feeling. Talking to D and my Daddy today made me realize how far I've retreated... i've been running... hiding from people... I can't say it is over... that I suddenly understand and I don't want to hide anymore. One thing I do know is that I want to stop. Stop looking back, stop hiding, stop thinking everything is meaningless and find meaning... step by step. I feel much better now than a few weeks ago... although I know i can be much better by His grace. 
SO please pray for me, for this new person He is crafting me into... 

*Delightful treasure of the week - The Art of Abundance: A Simple Guide to Discovering Life's Treasures by Candy Paull.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Acts of Faith: On Pity Parties and Looking Back

***long post alert***
         I think I can finally sit through and sift through my thoughts that have been running faster than the speed of light. Sometimes I think I have it – like bam! there is a trail of thought that I can place on paper – but then it withers away faster than a lily placed in the sahara dessert. I believe in writing down my thoughts – the ones that make my belly churn and my mind toss and turn through the thick of the night. And so not being able to write down for weeks what I’ve been thinking or what I’ve been experiencing has been exhausting to say the least... a good thing to take a break but still  exhausting. My friend D and a stranger both said similar things to me over the past two weeks – something about not letting the fire burn out. There is nothing more encouraging in the world than hearing words you need to hear at the right moment – kinda like how the saying that a “stitch in time saves nine” couldn’t be more true at that instant in time. Their words made me realize that I had to stop it. Whatever it is I am going through, or what I think I am going through is no excuse to belittle a task I believe I’ve been called to. I write. People sing, people dance, people do sports, people knit… and I write. I hadn’t done that in weeks. Not even in my journal… not even in my love letter book to Him… it was like I was trying to sit still and hope the world would stand with me in my stagnant stance… but alas the earth keeps spinning on its axis. I’ve forgotten that I need to keep on regardless.
         And that thinking brought me to another realization about something else I do while the world keeps spinning at its bottom – parties. Yes, I party. I revel in them and specialize in throwing them. The special kind of course – pity parties. Oh they are so elaborate. I chug down my comfort food, turn off the lights and look for reminiscing information that makes me go down pits of memory lanes that would do nothing more than badger my precious time. I hold and host pity parties that leave me empty. It goes on in a continual cycle to – a triggering thought that would lead down to many incidents that happened years or months ago… I could even throw in a couple of comparisons here and there – why don’t I have this? Why is my life this way? And so on and so forth… you KNOW what I’m talking about. The downwards spiral of self-deprecative cocktails we serve ourselves at the climax of our solo pity parties. And I’ve been doing this for months… actually years. I’ve just been very good at deceiving myself into thinking it was something else. I’ve become adept at blindly ignoring the gracious good that has circumvented my life and instead laid so much emphasis on the bad that has occurred or the withouts that I live with.
         And in the midst of all this, I still get the sunrays and the silent breeze of the beautiful night blow past me. I still get my daily bread… with the occasional steak too! I still get the love of family and friends and the will to want to continue on. I still live. And it is still written that I should “give thanks in all things for that is the will of God in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). But it is hard… throwing self-pity parties comes easier than giving thanks. Hanging onto withouts sometimes comes much more natural than trying to see the bigger picture. No matter how bleak things may seem, I definitely don’t have it as bad as Joseph did. I mean jealous brothers, sold into slavery, attempted seduction, lied against, thrown into jail and who knows the much more he may have had to face. And despite all this, never once is it recorded that Joseph had pity parties or acted as though his circumstances shook what he believed about himself or the God that he served. Okay so he is human, he probably asked questions and wondered… but when it came down to it – when faced with the temptation that he deserved much more (like sleeping with Potiphar’s wife) he fled from that. Before fleeing, he even says he can’t possibly do such a wicked thing in the sight of God. I can’t say I flee from the invitation to think I deserve much more. Infact, I love leading myself down the aisle that I should get more – that slippery slope of ingratitude mixed with self-indulgence that leads down the valley of self-pity.
         No more. I think I reached a ceiling where I need to reproach myself… ‘defy myself’ as Rev. Martyn -Lloyd puts it. This will not be natural to me – as I already said, I love going down the inviting steps to that party. This means a shift in how I think… think of myself… the people in my life… and a shift in picking what I chose to focus on – the good instead of the bad and the past. So when self comes to visit as she is so prone to doing these days to pinpointedly talk about what I lack, I will blast her with what He has done instead… and what He is continually doing, subtly working in ways that craft me for His glory… even if that crafting process means I discover more things about myself that are ugly… it just means I need to learn to continually learn how to give him all of me – the ugly parts as well. So here is to having a different and new kind of party – thankful parties…. Gratitude get-togethers! Join me?
*** In other news – I think I am back, for good. I think I can think and write now – coherently :) and ooohhh... I started graduate school!!! I started my first rotation in a lab that works on Parkinson’s. I’m having a nice time so far. And I’m looking forward to moving to my home institution to take my classes for the year… so apartment hunting etc has been fun! I’m also really thinking about starting a neuroscience blog that will chronicle research related stuff and graduate school stuff… just an exploratory idea… ooo well.
         So please tell me, How are you?