Monday, July 26, 2010

And it is a wrap!

Thank God for little things like Cold Orange Juice on a hot morning… I cried last night… and again, this morning. The truth is that I’ve been on a bungee jumping trip every so couple of weeks this summer. The early days were torrential… like a whirlwind. The latter days were better, almost like the first days weren’t there. And then last night was a crack. But this time it was different. It didn’t feel like the first couple of days, and it felt much easier this time to let HIM in.
This time, I knew from the bottom of my heart that I had no reason to cry anymore. What? With Him holding me? No just a ‘Him’… I mean for Pete’s sake it’s the Person… the ONE… who created the Universe? He interwove the crazy nervous system for Heavens sake. Why cry when the indominatable God gave everything up just for me? Why mope when I have so much more to be grateful for?
That was when I knew it was over. The struggling… long time gone. It doesn’t matter what I was wrestling with Him about. What matters is the limp I now have from that battle. Like Jacob whose name was changed to Isreal… I was once [Insert Former Name here] and I’m now [Insert New Name here]-[Mwajim]. I was once unable to see gratefully in the midst of torrential rain but you know what? I’m singing ‘Bring the Rain’ – MercyMe. If I hadn’t gone through the rain, how would I appreciate how dry He usually keeps me?
And so, with great glee and spirited excitedness, I want to tell you that Summer has been beautiful. I have successfully kept 5.5 (yes, roughly so? Yes :D) of the summer plans I wrote about at the beginning of June.
I have had moments (several) where I wanted to shove down a box of sausage pizza (who knew eating mushroom pizza could make you covet so much?). I have had moments when I didn’t fast on Fridays, or broke my fast at noon. I have had moments (plenty) when I didn’t report to the gym, and let my GRE studying slip by for precious moments alone or watching the crazy sporting events (World Cup and NBA finals). I have had moments when I argued and fought with God about the change He has been igniting in my heart… I discovered with self-disgust repeatedly how hard it is for me to love unselfishly and had to learn to commit and re-commit my heart to him for a cleansing and bleaching wash. I have had days where I fell repeatedly and laughed at my wobbles sarcastically… ‘wow Lord, you really do like going the full measure don’t you?’ And I’ve had beautiful blissful moments at this spot à 

Here, He healed me repeatedly when I asked questions. Here He met me (if you squint closely, you’ll see a glimpse of his over-powering and blinding light :D). Here He laid to rest my heart and taught me that it is okay to want to want things differently, and yet, ultimately His will made mine, although with many groanings at first because my flesh wants to be in control, will make me the gladdest.
Its kind of bitter sweet to see my best summer end almost at the flash of a light… I have only a couple of days left in Boston. As I draw to a close with the people I work and live with… I keep seeing His mighty hands propel me towards heights I never even imagined, and I’m so glad… grateful that things are so, just the way they are.

Phew! Sit back and take stock will you? No matter where you are in life, even if you can’t hear, feel or see it, He is still God.  



  1. He certainly is God. Beautiful! Phew, I was breathless reading this, feeling with you along the way. So glad for a beautiful conclusion.

  2. Awww...I'm sooooo happy 4 u Mwajim...wat a refreshing and encouraging post! God bless u luv!!

  3. Wow....this was a beautiful piece...ure right... whether or not I can see or feel it, He is still God!

  4. btw...i love ur blog layout! I want mine like this!

  5. Ah, touching post right there mehn!

  6. @MaidOfHeart: Thank you. I'm glad too that you could relate :D
    @Blessing: Thanks :D
    @Sisi Yemmie: True, indeed He is. Lol. You should check out, they have some cool themes :D
    @2cute4u: Thanks, may God keep blessing you.
    @Sugarking: Thanks dude.

  7. I was moved by this post... God is indeed taking you slowly and taking you on on the whole at the same time. What an experience to relish. His grace is sufficient :)

    - LDP

  8. @LDP: yes ooo. I believe He is as well. Thanks :D

  9. Such a blunt heart-wrenching, but lovely post. I have get-away spots like the one in the photograph, places where I can run to and try to hear His voice in the still soft wind. *Sigh* It's always wonderful to read your blog, and hey listen...It is WELL with you.

  10. awwww how cute,, lol at the plenty times you skipped gym!

  11. @Jaycee: Amen and Amen. Thanks for the constant reminder :D
    @queteebeads: lmao Lola I knew you'd say that lol.