We are not Little girls anymore

Playground seesaws,
Miniature women tusseling over snoopy and the red power ranger...
Barbies and Kens and make believes
Conjured from the boxed screen by Disney.
Berets and tutus and grown-up makeup
urging us to grow up in the hurry of the world...

But we fought hard,
With Tommy in the playground,
And Kelly in the playhouse,
And Zack in the backyard,
And Lida in the front porch...

We fought to live the dream,
That the Man on the white horse
Would bring the missing glass slipper,
and that the fairy god mother would be proved right.

But that didn't happen.

Instead we thought we could play
More teatime in the courtyard
Untill The One comes along....
To wisk us from ourselves...

We waited... and along the way,
THE ONE broke our futile dreaming.

Alas, we are not little girls anymore.

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Acts of Faith: On Change

              Change comes in all flavors… pepper and salt reminds me of me childhood – erratic with memories that float in and out with no definite destination. Strawberry and vanilla reminds me of my teenage days… it looks creamy on the outside, with a surprising burst that hits you when you taste it. 

             Between those two extremes was a girl stumbling through (still is actually) trying to find what is, what isn’t… what wasn’t and what will be. Some questions conjured from the deepest of her sleeps and left to the most unconscious of her subconscious. Going through life carefree and careful, daring to dream and live, and at the same time, tiptoeing around the risks contained therein. With each transition, the fond memories that still plague her are of her severe hatred of change. Change of seasons, with each one means she cannot remain the same. It meant new friends, new people, new places and new futures… She is like the character in the series Lost, Desmond who needed his constant to remember where he came from… he needed his constant to connect the dots.

            She sat in her college-dining hall a few years ago, a freshman, sitting alone as countless students streamed in and out. She mused on how they were all like her, at crossroads… trying to decide… trying to pick what way to go. Even as she stood at her crossroad, she realized that she needed a constant then.

            Sitting here and typing at the brink of swirling change, she is at crossroads. One road means clinging to grace as she continues to learn die to self and self-will… it means fighting to cling to the hem of His garment despite self-sabotage… it means continuously running back to Him even if she plays the prodigal daughter over… it means realizing that her view of self through His eyes is very different from her own eyes… it may mean a better Her… better than before the crossroads…

Another road means sinking down into the downward spirals of old morphs of self… even worse forms…

In the midst of this change, somehow her old calculating self of predicting outcomes has been forced to the background. She is tired. He “makes the moon reflect the sun” right? (Chris August – Starry Night), let Him figure out the outcome.

I want the flavor of my twenties to be even more pleasant than the pepper and salt… or the strawberry and vanilla… Caramel maybe? Smooth on the outside and even richer on the inside… or maybe green tea… not so enticing on the outside, but nourishing on the inside? I can’t decide – not my job. Better still, I don’t know.

            Let’s see how He mends this one. 

Self-Righteous Her

  It started out as a little mole – black. Harmless it seemed, stagnant it appeared. She was wrong. Time harnessed it slowly… with each passing day, it grew unnoticeable – an invisible bulge. Fake promises of love, shallow understandings of plight… she swore she could empathize. She thought she grasped it all… until she met the torrential rain that ripped off parts of her fake cover...


I'm guest posting over at G.R.I.P. Click here to read the rest.

On Falling and Epiphany and Taking Back Paper Journalling.

I've systematically returned to habits that should have never left in the first place. Paper-Journaling is the way to go. 

Feel Free to click on the pictures to see a full enlargement. Bear with my atrocious handwriting.

Starry Night - Chris August

I've forgotten... that He is way bigger than I am... way bigger than I can conceive... than my circumstantial fears... than my stuggles... I forgotten that i need to always surrender to Him.

Rush of Fools - No Name

Sharing 6 + In transit Tunes

 21-24  But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.
 25-26 God sacrificed Jesus on the altar of the world to clear that world of sin. Having faith in him sets us in the clear. God decided on this course of action in full view of the public—to set the world in the clear with himself through the sacrifice of Jesus, finally taking care of the sins he had so patiently endured. This is not only clear, but it's now—this is current history! God sets things right. He also makes it possible for us to live in his rightness.


Romans 3 (The Message)