I want to write so badly... i guess i’m doing that now... okay i want to write properly but i can’t. My mind is racing so fast and twirling constantly that i can only think of me-time right now. I’ve fallen into a state of self-satisfaction with realizations that i would want to write down and yet i’m racing too fast to pen. It is a problem, and yet it is progress. Before i got to this state of perpetual mind twirls... i was more or less a vegetable. I don’t know if its the shock of change or the realization that i just got done with one phase of my life and i’m moving into the next phase... i just don’t know. And like a vegetable all i did for weeks on end was sit there... literally... i just sat, or laid down and stared and read and watched and ate (i added some flesh in the process so this is good news :) ) and i wondered about time... and places and people and Him... and for a moment my friend D was worried i had lost myself... and then the speed started. It almost felt like i was sixteen again and reading of distant lands from times long past where i was plugged into their own world and found life again. In a nutshell, the mind-twirl became a slow revival. So bear with me - i am slowly reviving back to life... back to an appreciation for the irony of life... back to the love of good food and a show... back to the lessons of letting go and and letting Him... and back to Him really. He and I took a sort of break... well, i mean I took a break from Him rather, He never leaves us you see. And i’m learning to re-fall inlove with Him. Its sort of like learning to court a former love. You remember the flame of how it used to be, the thrills and the best times... but you also remember the pain of the troughs so you want to take your time. That is exactly how it is with He and I now. We talk - I talk mostly and He listens readily that is how it usually is. And I’m trying to learn how to listen in between when i finally shut up to take a breath. And i’m learning that listening to Him can mean listening to the voices of love He has placed in my life. Listening to Him can mean slowing down to appreciate phases and change. Listening to Him can mean looking back to forgive others... and myself especially. Listening to Him can also mean finding pleasure in the little things that make me appreciate that the earth rotates on its axis without fail...
I’ll start from here i guess... writing some update of sorts till i can slow my mind down enough to write regularly. I can’t promise though - it might or might not happen regularly. So bear with me :)
In the mean time, tell me how you are doing? I’d love to know!
Happy Father's Day to the Man up there and the man that makes my world twirl on a daily basis - my sweet Daddy (I should go call him now!).
Happy Father's Day to the Man up there and the man that makes my world twirl on a daily basis - my sweet Daddy (I should go call him now!).
