Somehow, over the past couple of days, I’ve forgotten my life lesson of 2010 extravaganza. I’ve fallen prey to idle self-imposed ambitions that lead to swirly directionless dreams – the kind you spend conjuring up in your imaginative box for years and wake up heartbroken because the Maker decided its time you woke up to His reality.
I’ve been telling myself the past couple of weeks that I’ve learnt my life lesson. I’ve sat myself down through different personal therapies where I’ve written my mistakes, regrets, appreciations and apologies. And yet, here I am in a certain corner where shadows of the past threaten to lurk back in, only this time in the shape of a new box. The difference is this time I see my old self and what she would have potentially done… I see the mistakes she made… I see how fast she sped… I see how she could ruin this new box (if it should turn into a box).
Then I realize that the box could either be my will or His. I could struggle the old way again – defy Him and His plans and wisk away in an imaginative swirl of bad balls and wrong pitching. Or… I could just surrender to Him. One of the girls from my small group bible study last night said something to me about how worrying is a testament to our faith. I could worry like the past couple of Alice-In-Wonderland-boxed-up years and yell at Him for misplaced ambitions… Or I could just surrender and see what crazy plan He has in store… Surrendering is easier no? I mean who likes to be in control right?
Wrong.
I want to be in control – but I screw up – ALL THE TIME! I’m obviously a bad driver.
That being said, I’m going to wear on my fall boots and follow after Him in the windy weather as He keeps urging that going with what is on ground… pitching with faith… pitching with peace is best.
