Somehow, over the past couple of days, I’ve forgotten my life lesson of 2010 extravaganza. I’ve fallen prey to idle self-imposed ambitions that lead to swirly directionless dreams – the kind you spend conjuring up in your imaginative box for years and wake up heartbroken because the Maker decided its time you woke up to His reality.
I’ve been telling myself the past couple of weeks that I’ve learnt my life lesson. I’ve sat myself down through different personal therapies where I’ve written my mistakes, regrets, appreciations and apologies. And yet, here I am in a certain corner where shadows of the past threaten to lurk back in, only this time in the shape of a new box. The difference is this time I see my old self and what she would have potentially done… I see the mistakes she made… I see how fast she sped… I see how she could ruin this new box (if it should turn into a box).
Then I realize that the box could either be my will or His. I could struggle the old way again – defy Him and His plans and wisk away in an imaginative swirl of bad balls and wrong pitching. Or… I could just surrender to Him. One of the girls from my small group bible study last night said something to me about how worrying is a testament to our faith. I could worry like the past couple of Alice-In-Wonderland-boxed-up years and yell at Him for misplaced ambitions… Or I could just surrender and see what crazy plan He has in store… Surrendering is easier no? I mean who likes to be in control right?
Wrong.
I want to be in control – but I screw up – ALL THE TIME! I’m obviously a bad driver.
That being said, I’m going to wear on my fall boots and follow after Him in the windy weather as He keeps urging that going with what is on ground… pitching with faith… pitching with peace is best.
I know i am a bad driver
ReplyDeletei choose
To let Him drive
cos He's not doing badly at all.
@Tisha: I like that - "Coz He's not doing badly at all." A nice re-affirmation :D
ReplyDeleteHe is the best driver and knows the end of my life from the beginning. So surrender it is...
ReplyDeleteOh I so needed that! I was about to put my "car/mind" in reverse and start worrying about things beyond my control....*sigh*
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Mwajim!!!
He can surely take the wheel! cuz I have no idea where to go!
@Myne True, from beginning to the end :D I love the ease of your acknowledgement :D
ReplyDelete@Blessing: Aww dear I know its so easy to fall back into the repetitive pattern that we swear we'll never return to. Yup, He def. does need to take the wheel :D
Even when we've progressed in life, the shadows of the past will always try to follow us to the present. All we have to do is NOT to try to prove anything.
ReplyDeleteYou're already victorious, whether the past haunts you or not. :)
@Jaycee: "... Not to prove anything." Thanks... I def. needed that reminder :D
ReplyDeletewell, since you acknowledge that His will is greater than yours, why not just surrender?
ReplyDelete@Leggy: Its harder to put in practice. Yes I acknowledge it and everyday we can acknowledge as much knowledge as we want... but living it out is harder... I think its me realizing that and putting it in practice effectively a.k.a not worrying etc that makes me gradually surrender to Him. And ofcourse, since He doesn't force surrender, i would have to be willing to surrender.
ReplyDelete