Friday, July 16, 2010

An Open Letter

I’m sitting here realizing that I’m in a conundrum of conflicting feelings and knowing that the one thing I need to do is get down to my knees and pray. Pray for the confusion to stop. Pray for the guilt to wash away. Pray for your love to flow through. Pray for my eyes to be focused on only you… and its hard. It is hard because I unashamedly want to keep worrying. I want to keep running. I want to not stop and appreciate. I’m in this dereliction of self-absorbedness where I’m considering me… me… and of course… me again!

Not me… should be the answer. Not me should be the focus. Not me should be the restitution.
I need to remain in you and you have of course promised that you will remain in me…

So why am I playing with this fire… this inward desire to keep wallowing here staring at me in the mirror?
I should be looking to you instead…

And in the moments that we take to suddenly stop and ignore? No – Look beyond our reflections in the mirror to see your image – love itself staring back… that is the moments that we see grace. The Grace – beautiful, abounding and abundant – able to provide anchors of strength, strength that makes us see that it is not about us. It was never about us – you as an individual. It was always about him, about her and about them. The outward gaze, the outward reflection, despite how hard and unnatural it is, is the supplemental richness that grace affords.

I’m still wobbling and bruising as I learn to deflect from the inner to the outward day-by-day. 

14 comments:

  1. i've been in this place numerous times and your words are indeed relevant

    have a good weekend

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  2. Mwajim, you write beautifully. Please never stop and keep looking to Him. It's most wonderful position to ever hold.

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  3. @Kafo: It is good to know that others have been in a similar place, and even best to know that they overcame it. Thanks :D
    @Tout à fait Bizarre: Thanks. Indeed there is no other position that gives more peace than holding onto Him :D

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  4. This is totally inspiring!
    Thank you so much

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  5. I've in this place many times before...felt helpless..felt like I was giving up and I couldn't be bothered

    Plz kno that it only takes ur decision...u have 2 get to a point where ur tired of being tired...Do you part, fall on ur knees and pray...and allow God to lift u up into ur rightful place

    *muah* Stay strong boo! This too shall pass!

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  6. @2cute4u: Thanks. It is good to know others are battling as well ;D
    @BBW: Yes, allowing God to life me to my rightful place and allowing the Holy Spirit's discretion time and time again is definitely an ongoing battle... highs and lows and it is awesome to know that you've been there and fought your way out of it. Thanks for the encouragement :D

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  7. @Maid of Heart: Thanks, and its all cuz of God's grace :D

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  8. this could be me right now....

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  9. @oluSimeon: True, and it could be anyone right now. The most important thing is when we find ourselves there to keep our eyes on Jesus and continually ask for the strength to hold on to his grace.

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  10. Gorgeous piece of writing. Good to know There is someone who can heal when with battles we are faced and we can't fight. I can reckon with this state so vividly.

    And lol when I read the first line, I went, in the 'condominium of conflicting feelings' lol read over and saw that the word is Conundrum

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  11. @KENNISBLEGAD™: Thanks. And yes ooo, its great to know that anytime this state, God has always got our back no matter what.

    'condominuim'... lol... i can see the 'house hunting' state is really on. lol.

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  12. LMAO! I didn't even think of it like that. Youuuuuuuuuuuu!

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