Saturday, September 1, 2012

In between the Crevices of life

        One of my favorite poems as a young beady-eyed  teenager was Ulysses. I can still remember the first time the teacher read the poem during SS1 English Literature. You can read it here. I had forgotten the exact line that struck me, but I always remembered the explanation: Ulysses would rather live than merely exist. That lesson had been pushed back to the end of my memory... well until recently...
        So far, it's been a year and a few months into graduate school. I'm currently a second year whhhooohoooo!!! It's funny because I can hardly believe that it has gone by so fast. It feels just like yesterday when I was on here asking you all to keep me in your prayers through the application process... or rather, me ranting about how I need to keep focus on Him through this process. Through it all, while I now can't imagine not doing what I currently do, I also find myself in a place where I want to frivolously plan for the next step.... Mind you, I won't be finishing up with where I currently am for at least the next three years... so where on earth am I rushing to?
         I've had to re-learn the art of sitting still all over again.
         Sitting still. In contentment. Glad with where I am. Re-trusting that there is a purpose associated with where I am. There is a plan, a Master Orchestrator directs my path. The rest of it is having confidence in that.
Pretty hard, and all because I forget. The Psalmist in Chapter 103 had to write the benefits of who God is to him to remember that indeed, He can sit still wherever he is. The hardest has been learning to strike the right balance between becoming consumed with what I want to do in the future vs living in the present tentacles of where I am. It's good to plan, I know. But, it's also bad to live in the plans of tomorrow... I'm a dreamer who feeds on the possibilities of tomorrow... learning to live in the present is coming at extraneous costs of mind re-training. I'm getting there.
       In learning to live in contentment, I've also realized that it is so easy to get stuck in the rut of
daily duties. You could be a 9 to 5 worker, a stay-at-home mom, or a student, and no matter the amount of excitement you had in the beginning, there comes a time when you just go through the moments. There comes a time when you just get into the automated drive of existing through the tasks... Painfully mundane. And then of course, there is the occasional burst of rejuvenated strength... that is if you pinch in church/TEDtalks/[insert your source of inspiration] on the regular... You know what I'm talking about - you just had a crappy week, you to to church and BAM! You feel the word is directed right at you and you feel that you can face the week with all the might in the world. But then Monday morning, you see your pile of work papers and to do lists, and all of Sunday's fever is gone. That's just the thing - the feelings. The fact that we can live though the mundane things exponentially as overcomers is a fact and not an occasional feeling we fester off the pulpit on Sundays. Even if I spend the rest of the days of my life doing some menial task every single second, it is still worth it to approach it as though as my life depended on it, rather than merely trying to get through the task just because it has to get done... In a way, this realization is part of me learning to live larger than life... living larger than myself... and into living abundantly as I'm called to. I've been freed into a life of abundant liberty rather than mundane get-bys.
       My second realization from the past couple of weeks has also come in the form of how I relate to others. I found that I have a thing for "seeing" service in other people... but not in me. How do I use my most precious preserved gift to serve other people? For you, it may be money or belongings... for me it's time, and money. While I won't write about the money aspect on here or (now?), I will expound on the issue of time. Because I'm a self-proclaimed recovering introvert, time is probably my most treasured gift... and probably most selfishly used. I've been challenged over the past couple of weeks in sharing my time, not just with other people but also in things that I should be doing for me outside my professional goals. To that note, there are two service-related projects I will be planning to work on by the end of the year, and when it is all in fruition, I would love to share it with you all :)
I guess my request is to ask you to keep me accountable and ask me in a couple of weeks about how the project(s) is going!
          Here is to living rather than mere existence!!!

Have a great labor day weekend and remember to smile back, HE is already smiling your way :D

OH and P.S., this is totally random, but I just realized why heartbreaks hurt so much... it's the absence of the crazy state of elation you once lived in! I know this is totally random as I don't discuss matters of the heart on here, but yes, bask with me in this moment of realization lol.


  1. Time does pass, see where you are now...a strong lesson comes out of it: every single second counts. I totally agree with what you said about putting all our efforts into every task as though our lives depended upon it. The Bible actually says that "whatever we do, we should do it as unto the Lord." and in another place, "whatever your hands find to do, do it excellently well." I'm paraphrasing as I'd have to dig into scriptures to find the verses :) CONGRATULATIONS on one year and some months in graduate school, Mwajim. Wow! And yes, happy labor day weekend...I'm so happy I and the hubby get the day off :)

  2. Still reminiscing on this. I'd rather live than merely exist.