Sharing 10

Colossians 1:15-23 (The Message) 


 ^15-18 We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.


 ^18-20 He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.


 ^21-23 You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don't walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one. Every creature under heaven gets this same Message. I, Paul, am a messenger of this Message.

Acts of Faith: On Friends and Fathers!

       I've always been someone surrounded by friends... not acquaintances that I casually know... or 'fillers' to talk to... I mean actual friends that I can connect with... people that I can talk to about what is really on my heart and they instantly light up and say: "Hey! I know EXACTLY what you are talking about'. And I want to believe that this is the same for everyone... I mean everyone does have a friend or two that understands when they lay bare their troubles right? I know I'm wrong to say/assume that.
     I'm also wrong to take the fact that I have some awesome individuals in my life for granted. I've never been a social butterfly... While I do have bursts of 'outgoing energy' during which I can fluter around and say things that may or may not matter to me, I've always and will always be the "I-want-to-sit-and-talk-to-you-over-a-cup-of-tea" kind of gal. And because I've had some awesome people in my life... some from high school... and currently, most from college... I think somehow I just always assumed everywhere I moved to, I would always meet an awesome bunch of people... or that I would instantly connect with other people... HA! Naivety... I know! I think the past year has taught me, quite solidly, that you hold onto old friends as they are part of your bedrock... even when you wean in with new friends. Maybe it was part of the process of graduating from college, but my first year of graduate school saw me missing my friends... a lot. I saw myself comparing new relationships to old ones... and looking for the same connection I had with my old friends in new ones... and honestly... it was lonely. Nothing as lonely as chasing an old vision. I went on in this repetitive cycle for a while... and then it hit me... I do have friends with the right connection that I am looking for... why try to fix something that isn't broken? I know this may sound obvious to many out there, but for me, it was a lesson in the making. I already had people that understood my qualms and my weird ways and quite frankly even if they thought was absurd, still accept me the way I am. *Exhale*
       So in a way, this is a thank you post... to friends especially old ones who are still in my life. I'm not one for cliches as they irk me... (seriously, if you want to hit a button of mine, tell me a cliche phrase... I'll do something mean to you in my mind's eye lol) but here goes... as the cliched saying goes by Bernard Baruch:  "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind". I know there is also another saying that no one is indispensable, but it is crazy to think that people are replaceable. You may replace a role someone played in your life, but you can never replace that exact bond you shared with them... So in my efforts to navigate life socially, I've learnt the hard way that I do have awesome people in my life that play important roles, and that these friendships need to be continually fostered.
        Therefore... a toast! To friends past and present with whom I share an irreplaceable bond - I pray it goes on till death do us apart. To friends whom I've fallen out with, lost touch with or just fallen to the way side... we may or may not miss each other... and it is okay - if we need to be in each other's lives again, it'll happen. To future friends or those currently in the process of bond formation... I hope it turns out to be true friendship that lasts for a while. 
       On another note, Happy Father's day! Sadly, I'm not physically in the same location as my Dad this year :( I've been blessed with an amazing father that has encouraged me to be me, dream big and live larger than life... and I'll be forever grateful for that. One lesson I've learnt from the relationship with my Dad is realizing that I'm loved by him, and the rest of family - dearly. Knowing you are loved as an individual goes a long way in giving you a sense of completion... and in one way or the other, even when I forget, at the back of my mind is that lingering reminder is that I'm too blessed to be stressed (Yup, another cliched saying... imagine!). I'm beginning to realize that the relationship/perception of relationship I've had with my father has gone a long way in defining my perception of self and worth in the eyes of other people. I would like to believe the same applies for everyone... but hey, what do I know? While the prior statement I've made is true to an extent in a general sense, I also know that there are orphaned individuals out there or people from broken homes or those without a good father relationship... and despite that, they still have a great sense of self and worth. I truly admire those individuals, because they are the true troopers. That also goes to say that other people can also play the role of feeding you with a great sense of self and worth apart from your biological father and that is as legitimate as it gets as well. So I am aware that it is possible to not have a great father figure, and still turn out great! Regardless, the above is the lesson that  I've learnt over the past couple of years. My dad treats me like I'm worth it... being treated like I'm worth it has led me to know and realize that I am worth it... therefore, by default, non-compiling individuals and situations get shown the turn around :D 
In conclusion, a toast to all the fathers out there - past, present and future! 


And a toast to the Papa Father of all - God! Because, let's be real, everyone has a Father whether they realize it or not, and He is all around us.


Have a splendrous, and awesome week of joyfulness ahead of you! 

Self-Esteem Series 3: Even if you've been mistreated and abused, YOU are still worth it!!!

My dear friends - D, A and I will be sharing our wonderful stories through the next couple of weeks of moments in times when we were pretty low and how He came through to remind us of truths that are solid irrespective of how we feel. I hope you read and enjoy and come back each week through the next week or so to share in our testimonies.  


You can read the first installment here
You can read the second installment here


Please sit back and enjoy the third installment of the series from my dear friend A. She writes the story of a dear friend of hers who has been through a lot, and regardless still upholds her self-worth. It must have been our sophomore year of college when I first heard this story from A... and I remembered thinking to myself that I would been a shell of a person if I were in her shoes. I know abuse is a rampant phenomenon that happens in households especially to young children. It is something that we would rather dust under our carpets than admit it to the whole world... I've admired Misty so much because the strength and sacrifice it takes to say this makes people realize that if this kind of past circumstance is hiding under their carpet, then they aren't alone... and not only that, but speaking up is one of the ways we can help prevent the cycle from continuing. 


You can catch A at her wonderful blog: http://bimpeoyewo-whatreallymatters.blogspot.com/
She is a champion of social justice which warms my heart so much, you should check her out and join in her efforts as well :)
Enjoy! 

The Misty Story

This is a name everyone at some point has heard me mention and if you are one of the few that have not heard the name well then today you will.  She’s such an inspiration and an example of someone who took her struggles and hardships and turned it into an opportunity to make a difference.

I can still remember that day vividly my life changed. It was a shocking day and I literally had to fight the tears from coming down my eyes. It was an 8a.m. Gender Women Studies class and I struggled to get out of bed to make it on time for class. We had been talking about rape and sexual assaults all week in class so I surprised when I saw Misty coming into my class. She was a good friend sorry I meant to say a great friend and more importantly a beautiful person.  She came in with her husband who sat in front to encourage and support her as she spoke.

She started to narrate her story of how when she was young her mom brought people to come and rape her and her siblings. This went on for a while until authorities found out and removed her and her siblings from the home. She was taken and placed in a foster home were she continued to be mentally and sexually abused again.  One of the boys in the home sexually abused her as well and even though she reported this to her social worker, nothing was done.  So she remained in this abusive environment until she got lucky and finally got adopted.

She did not allow all this to break her or shape how she felt about herself. Most people would have been ashamed and insecure instead she chose to speak up against rape and the injustices that are associated with rape charges.  Not caring whether this put a label on her, all she cared about was that people were talking about it. In her words “people don’t talk about rape until it happens to someone close to them” but by then the damage is already done. There she was openly telling us about a past that most people would do anything to cover up. She was bravely sharing in the hope of helping someone who was or has gone through something similar and bringing to light a human rights issue that society has done little to prevent from occurring and shys away from talking about.

When Rahilla told me that she wanted me to contribute to her self esteem series I was honored and very excited but for the first time I struggled with what to write. And then it suddenly occurred to me that Misty’s story is a perfect example of someone who according to society should have a low self esteem and self worth. Someone that should be depressed and hate all men but instead she is a strong woman, an amazing wife and an exceptional mother who inspires me to be a better person.  Reminding me that beauty is skin deep and that confidence comes from within especially when you know who you are.

She has shown me that no matter what society views as beautiful, we are all beautiful whether we are fat, slim, short, tall, white, and black. A person can use the hardest times in their lives to help others and bring about change like she is doing. Today Misty works as a Victim Advocate, at the District Attorney's Office helping people to overcome things similar to that she has been through.

You can meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you and then you meet one person and your life is changed forever. That’s exactly what she did. Misty’s strength, courage, fearlessness and big heart during her adversity is very inspiring. I think there is so much one can learn from her story.

Self worth comes from within. You have to make a conscious effort to accept who you are and be happy/comfortable with the person you are.  Yes people may put you down but when you have a strong sense of who you are, it would not matter what they say or think. Nobody can make you feel little about yourself unless you give them the power to. You are a beautiful and as long as you believe that, it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks.

You can follow me on: http://bimpeoyewo-whatreallymatters.blogspot.com/

Love Always,
Daddy’s lil girl (Mbang) 

xoxo

Sharing 9

An unexpected and sweet reminder:

 Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.
To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments.
(Habakkuk 3:17-19 ESV)

Have a wonderful week of sweet wanderings!!!

Sweet Reminders of Easter 2012

    As we go about our numerous wanderings during this dichotomous weekend of solemn reflection and wildly estatic celebrations, I am quietly reminded of two things:
 1. I worship a God that would rather die that spend eternity without me.
 2. I am free. Liberated and earth-shatteringly free. Free to receive this love. And free to love in return. Free from shame. And bought from guilt.


I am freed and loved.
And so are you.
This God is crazy about us. 


    Won't you come sit with me and enjoy these reminders as well?
    Have a festive Easter and remember this:
John 15: 13 (NIV): 
"Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Self-Esteem Series 2: You, yes You - You are good.

My dear friends - D, M, A and I will be sharing our wonderful stories through the next couple of weeks of moments in times when we were pretty low and how He came through to remind us of truths that are solid irrespective of how we feel. I hope you read and enjoy and come back each week through the month of March to share in our testimonies.      


You can catch the first installment of the series here


Please sit back and enjoy the second installment of the series from my dear friend D.   
                     
          
                                                 My Ash Wednesday, 2012

             Today, my day began with the best intentions in the world.
             I was joyful and happy to be alive. I made my to do list in my head which included fasting through the day with a 30 min prayer before I head out, catch my bus, be a bomb at work and then get to church at seven. Oh and let's not forget, read "Grace for the good girl" during intermissions of the day (awesome book y'all should read it).
             Anyways, first of all, I was late for my 30 min prayer and had to bold out of the door to catch my bus. No biggie right, i'll just pray on the bus, which I did. Work: the experiment starts fine (I am a researcher by the way) and my fasting could not go any better. First experiment - raging success, I pat myself on the back, high five the Holy Spirit and continue to the next one. I'm on fire. Then, my supervisor confirms that my previous experiment, similar to the one I am in the process of up was a raging success: "We got AWESOME data, Keep the good work going" She says... My self esteem is up a 1000X. God loves me and the birds and the bees all chirp and buzz in my favor!
            Ten minutes before the end of the experiment, the machine froze. This machine never freezes!!! It is almost 6:30p.m., the bus will leave and I will miss church. What is even more heartbreaking is that my experiment might be compromised. 10 minutes later and with a defeated attitude, I exit work. "Let me get a honey bun to break my fast" I thought to myself (I have been craving a honey bun all day). The vending machine did have a honey bun. But it was behind an apple dutch whatever and in order to get I would have to pay twice. I only had a dollar. I settled for some fruit snack instead (me not remembering the name tells you how annoyed I was). Everything had gone wrong. My plans thwarted.
            While walking to my bus stop it occurs to me that God is still God and I am still his servant. How does my day relate to self esteem? 
Well, I started the day full of myself but in the end I was emptied of me. And did I tell you I had to go through the day with a gaping hole on my shirt?!?!
I had the expectation of my supervisor, of the world around me and most of all, my self-imposed expectations to satisfy. But when did I ever consider the expectations of God which are to lay my burdens, these expectations of the world, at His cross and to rest? Our self esteem is shaped as Newton's third law, every force has an equal and opposite reaction. The world tells us we are not good enough,  but God tell us "I died for you". The world says you have a gaping hole in your shirt, God says "I have made you in my image and I said you are good." The world said you couldn't even meet your own expectation, God says "Stop expecting and start living in me."
             In God our needs are met, so why do we keep on expecting what we already have? We are beautiful because we were made in His image. If you say that you are ugly then you are insulting your God (oh noo u didn't). God loves you and knows your very core - the one you hide from the world. He still found you so worthy of His love that He made an entire earth for you to dwell, mates for you to chose, animals and plants to feed you, and as if that was not enough, He gave you eternal redemption with no fear of death. So when every honey bun is hidden by an apple treat that you didn't intend on having, and you are broken in your hunger with a gaping hole in your shirt and a so so experiment, dear friend - laugh and enjoy for the One in control has pushed you off the driver's seat and showed you that you do not drive that car, but you are a passenger - a beloved and well taken care off passenger.


Be blessed,
D.

Self-Esteem Series 1: In the Beginning...

Warning: Long Post Alert!

Hello Lovely Readers,

            Let’s just skip the part where I neglected this blog for almost a month and get back to being friends? Please? You forgive me now? Okay - thanks. Let’s hug on it now :D

Over the past couple of months, I’ve had some pretty intense internal struggles that God is still molding me through... the biggest has been self-esteem. I’ve wanted to write about it for a while because this is something that I know I’ve always grappled with. Maybe this is something you have dealt with or are dealing with and you’ll like to share your experiences with us here? Maybe you’ve never struggled with it and maybe you want to share your frame of strengthened mind with us? I’m not writing this as someone who has overcome, because I know as long as I’m on this side of heaven, I’ll have to keep fighting thorns in my side that continually reminds me that HIS Grace is sufficient for me (1 Cor 12:9)... and that I am more than a conqueror!!! (Imagine that? Not just a conqueror, but MORE than a conqueror. Does anyone have a noun that describes someone who is more than a conqueror? I know I don’t know one...)

            My dear friends - D, M, A and I will be sharing our wonderful stories through the next couple of weeks of moments in times when we were pretty low and how He came through to remind us of truths that are solid irrespective of how we feel. I hope you read and enjoy and come back each week through the month of March to share in our testimonies.

Remain Blessed,

Mwajim Al.

                                                In the Beginning by Mwajim Al.

Over the past couple of days, I’ve been trying to pinpoint the very first moment I began to think less of myself... I can remember being scared of the neighbors’ dog when I was three... I can remember the first time I climbed out of my bedroom window to play with the neighbors’ kids when I was four because I didn’t have siblings to play with... I remember my cousins making fun of me because of the way I spoke when we first returned to Nigeria... I have distinct memories that stand out from childhood... but I can’t remember the first pin of low self-esteem. Maybe that is a good thing, not to remember a single moment when such a seed was planted. However, that bothers me more... it makes me think that it was a gradual build-up from friends, family members, television shows... of how I view myself. Not to say that people always said or did things to bring me down on purpose... but personal perspective and my reaction to things were not always with the lightest of feelings...

            What I do remember is the first time my mum reacted to my view of self .This was probably in my early teen years. I can’t recall what it was I said... most probably me comparing myself to someone and thinking I was less because I didn’t have what I coveted. I remember her being so upset and saying out loud that she wondered where I got that perspective of self from. It was then that she became more rigorous with her trademark saying to us as kids. I used to think it was really annoying whenever I would complain about something and she would say: “You are different...” and then she would repeat it and wait for us to complete the sentence... “ You are what?” and I would grudgingly reply “... different.” I hated that. Being different meant I had to accept that I could not have Simbi’s nose, or Aisha’s hair or Patience’s skin tone. Being different meant that I would probably get a different college education from my home mates, move out of home at seventeen or not get to see my family as much as I would love to. It took me a while to accept my differences as unique... as beautiful... and as mine.

            Perception of self goes a long way in allowing what makes you and what breaks you... and sadly to say, some “friends” are not in employed in the building up process. Sadly, that took me a while to realize... and even longer to realize that the people you surround yourself also reflects on your thoughts, and who you are... well, except if you are either a very-strong-willed person or live in a bubble :D I was neither of those growing up. So on the one hand, you have heavy societal influence shaping and affecting my perception of self which outweighed all the good and the strong efforts my parents vested in me. The funny thing about that was how strong I looked on the outside, while on the inside I was squirming and running and hiding and hoping no one would notice me because then they would realize that the truth I thought about myself... that I’m not good enough...

            Then college came. My emancipation as I like to call it at times... My friend D always reminds me that I once told her I was a flower blooming slowly! I don’t know how it happened but somehow I began to work hard to accept myself... it was either I accept myself or die trying... My small stature, my dark skin, my flyaway hair, myself... all mine... nobody else’s... all mine. And for the longest time, I thought that was what I needed - fortifying myself to be strong for me. After all if I wasn’t strong for me, then who would be? Who would hold me if I decided to be in shambles and all broken up? 

            One the one hand, I had all this self-buffering up to do just so I would not let anyone’s words bring me down, or any situation put daggers into my heart... on the other hand, because I grew up hearing Bible stories and striving to believe in Jesus “so I wouldn’t go to hell”, I was trying to see if God said anything about me loving me... me accepting me. I always remembered Luke 10:27 (NIV):

“He answered: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all of your soul, all your strength and with all your mind’. And ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’”

Somehow, the ‘Love your neighbor’ part always clicked... I HAVE to love people; I HAVE to put them first... I HAVE to please them... even if it means I get pushed down, even if it means they take it for granted... I mean after all, I will get my reward in heaven... RIGHT? Somehow, the ‘... as yourself’... never resonated, never clicked.

            A lot happened before I came to the above realizations... and the truths that have always been but I’d never accepted till recently. I will expound more on those truths and how I came to them in the final installment of this series.

            Happy Reading!!!