Deep, Deeper... Deepest.

The past couple of days have left me struck at the level of intimate conversations i have been having with people... ranging from talks about boy-girl relationships, to organized religion - christianity to friendships and change. I used to be one who would avoid deep conversations because I just didn't want to go any deeper with anyone... well guess what? I had to find out the *hard way* (I am always finding out stuff this way) that intimacy comes through quality conversations as well... and falling deeper is necessary to establish a relationship.

   A friend of mine has been going through a storm, and i have realized that a lot of times its easy when on the opposite end of the fence to cheer someone on, meanwhile, its harder for that person to get you. They might be hearing but not listening. It seemed to be the case with her... and I totally understood where she was standing. I had to force myself to listen because I tend to just talk over what people try to say and enforce the positive they need to hear. I slowly came to appreciate that its going to take her awhile to listen and believe what she listens in order for her to come out of her storm. Needless to say, I was fine with listening and telling her it was okay to take it a day at a time. I love the fact that in her storm, she has still come far from her starting point. From her vantage point, it is hard for her to see the destination because its seems like a mirage, yet myself and others keep cheering her on because we believe that what she has been hearing will begin to sink in, and just hopefully, she will believe it herself! That is one realization i wouldn't have traded anything in the world for... from that moment on, I knew I had fallen deeper in with her.

   Another friend of mine who is taking a statistics class with me this semester is an atheist. I knew this, and yet, a few weeks back, I invited her to an event hosted by my fellowship. I didn't tell her it was a Christian event, so immediately she saw the brochures for the fellowship handed out at the entrance to the venue, she grabbed my hand, returned the brochure and was like:"You didn't tell me it was a Christian event... sorry I can't stay..." And just like that, she left. I felt so lost, because I really did believe she would stay. I also was scared because I was like:"Great! She is never gonna talk to me now." The next time we had class, I asked her about it and she explained how fundamentalist christians are stuck up and close-minded. I wasn't taken aback... strangely enough all I wanted to do was listen, and so I did. She ended by saying that all she wanted to do was have someone sit with her, listen to her view and explain to her. I replied that if she ever needed to talk, I would gladly listen. Little did i know that I would be presented with that opportunity soon. So this past thursday, we had this conversation, and she wanted to know why anyone would bother to become christian when the religion hasn't done a whole lot of good to the world. And i was giving her the analogy of how one would want their kids to be educated because they themselves have been educated - translating that because christians have tasted the goodness and saving grace of God, we would want others to know this good thing. She said that no, christians were close-minded and didn't understand that people were fine the way they were... I became stuck because I didn't have more to say... I listened and replied, and yet she had a reason for every reason I gave... She wanted me to sit with her and 7 other friends of hers and continue the conversation, but I just said we'd continue it at a later time... I backed down out of fear, how would i handle 8 people at a time if they were all nonchalant towards God? All I could do was pray that God would reveal himself to her. Afterwards, I was scared... and yet am glad I allowed myself to have that conversation with her... It was the first time since I had known her over the past 4 years (and I have known her since my freshman year) that I felt close to her. Yes, it was a controversial conversation, and yet that element of deepness that I felt made me feel that I can continue talking about this with her to see where it goes....

   And another friend of mine, one of my roommates, and I were talking about friendships. She brought up how it was easy to tell someone your whole life story and yet, never feel close to them or establish that connection. I totally agreed with her. There are a number of times since last week when just re-evaluating friendships I have had with people where we've known loads about each other, and where I moved on to consider them as close friends and they didn't on their end. And, there have been vice-versa situations. I realized that after all, I just had it in my head, thinking something was when it wasn't... Which brings me to my last friend, we had a conversation about change. It kind of ties into my prior conversation about friendships. We talked about how people change, and turns out change is the only permanent thing in life... I felt closer to both of them after those conversations. It may have a little moment, but a lot of change happened during it.

    Its funny because through all these conversations, I realized just how easy it could be to block yourself and refuse to fall any deeper. And yet, if you never fall deeper, how are you ever going to find out the beautiful sunshine that the intimate impact of knowing that person could have on your life? 

P.S, God has been so faithful as ever. He put a beautiful smile on my face on thursday, and this one is lasting for a whilleeeeee.... indeed He is never late, even when we think it is the eleventh hour, it is perfectly on time!!!


SOOOOO what areas have you seen yourself refusing to fall deeper and how did you scale or not scale that?

http://www.myvisiontest.com/img/upload/falling_man.jpg