Mbaya.

You were so strong and so beautiful.
Hips held high to the sky,
Athena blushed with jealousy.

Smile so wide,
heart so nice,
life was full with you.

With you, was laughter
and boldness and
peace and wisdom.

With you was passion,
and generosity and
compassion.

If I am ever a quarter of the woman that you were, then I know I would have lived as I should.

I always knew,
from the minute I learnt your name,
that my daughter would be named after you...

Mbaya.

A beautiful ring to it.

A name with the force of the universe behind it.

You live forever kaka (grandma), though the earth is void of one more angel, the heavens have
gained the star that shone brightly in our lives.

Love you.

Impatience and Peace of Mind Part 2

              So after judiciously trying to figure out my feelings and thoughts, I've finally decided to suck it up and share my current struggles with being patient and less worrisome. As most of you know, I am a researcher in training... this means I spend most of my days poking around in the lab doing experiments... what most people don't realize both people who go into research and those who look at it from the outside is how much of a training it is in both frustration management and patience. If you are not used to falling flat on your face or spending hours slaving for something with no result, then this may not be something you want to spend your life doing :) Over the past year and a half, I have been getting lessons in that - the art of striving and waiting and hoping with fingers crossed. However, as time has gone on, I've noticed that while I expect my experiments to take time... while I expect progress to come at a snail's pace... I don't expect that to happen in life situations.

            I can give the perfect example of my relationship with catching the bus to lab in the mornings. Mind you, I live about a 20 minute walk away from my lab... and by bus, I am in lab in 3-4 mins. However, this short time is insufficient for me... apparently, at some point I must have started bargaining with myself that I should be able to "apparate" into lab *shout out to all my HP fans out there*. In short, I'd been getting to a point where once I flip from my bed, I suddenly want to translocate to lab and start my day, without a moment's delay such that any interruption with my mental plan flips my emotional state to that akin to an angry mother hen pissed at people disturbing her chicks. Anyways, let's just say, it was so bad that I was jumping in front of buses all in the name of attempting to be in lab early to start my day. To some it may just be a sign of punctuality, but knowing my heart and its signs - it was me being impatient. I mean, I could have just waited 10 more mins and avoided being scolded by the bus driver about jumping infront of his bus *yes guys, being a grad student is making me go rouge* This aside, and other patterns I have noticed just made me realize how much I need to just sit and breathe and remember to wait on God, just practice waiting... in something as simple as waiting for the bus. My friends, if I can't wait for a bus, I don't think my heart is really set then on waiting for other things.
               
           So yes, I've come to the realization that my heart is roaring with impatience... so how do I battle that? I honestly wish I could tell you the answer or that I've been fighting it well enough. The good news about this as with other situations is that I'm not the one holding myself... but I am learning baby wobble at a time to fully depend on the God who calls things to be as though they are (Romans 4:17) :D So, my God who does things like that will teach this tautly worrisome heart to be patient... I've been reading Psalm 139:5-6 to myself for weeks:

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
⁶ my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

- See more at: http://mwajimal.blogspot.com/#sthash.m5OkO2eI.dpuf

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
⁶ my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

- See more at: http://mwajimal.blogspot.com/#sthash.m5OkO2eI.dpuf

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope; 
 my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

Hoping in His word, in His truth... believing that the very words He says over me are true, resting in His irrefutable gift of life to me.

So join me, as I learn to just rest in the beauty of His love for me and you... It is hard, however, He gives us grace every step of the way :)

Love,
Mwajim Al.

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
⁶ my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

- See more at: http://mwajimal.blogspot.com/#sthash.m5OkO2eI.dpuf

Impatience and Peace of Mind Part 1

I will start first with a verse and leave you with a song, before I offer the words on my heart in a follow-up post. Happy Sunday!

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
⁶ my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

Psalm 130:5-6 (ESV) 

  

Have a beautiful week filled with loads of hearty laughter. 

Love,
Mwajim Al.

Acts of Faith: Home

"Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found" - Phillip Phillips, Home.

I just got back from Baltimore with a few friends and this song played during the return trip. I have now had it on repeat for the past half hour since getting back home. It has triggered some memories and brought back the fervor to put pen to paper... etch black on white... empty out a few thoughts that have bounced behind that poker? tell-tale face of mine.

I first got these lyrics from a good friend of mine a few weeks ago... I was in the heat of preparing for my candidacy exams... and to say the least, during the whole process of exam preparation I was filled with Fear. I can't explain the feelings I had during that period... It was like attempting to pick out an item from the aisle and being so scared of reaching out to touch the item. It was like standing in front of the door to your house and not being able to go in... well, just because you were afraid. I had a few nights where I would randomly wake up and just stare... I think the reality of everything just hit me all at once... you know the saying: "Ish just got real"? Well, I suddenly saw the realness of it all. So real... like the skin on my flesh... like the ground I walk on... like the people I see.

And to be honest, I had never felt this way before. I would get my work done, and at the end of the day muse over numerous possibilities. It was like I was obsessed the idea that I wouldn't come out unscathed. I remember when my friend sent me the lyrics. I had just spent all day feeling defeated and out-of-place. I felt like I was in the wrong space and time... I can't remember the exact fearful thought that had just crossed my mind... I remembered praying and wishing away the fear all day when a text came in... the words that got me were... "I'm gonna make this place your home"...

Home.

Home.

Home.

There is no fear in a place that is your home. There is no doubt and ugly heads of failure in your home. There is only peace and love, and belonging... that warmth that emanates from security.

I can't say that the fear immediately dissipated... but I got comforted that: "[I am] not alone... and [I] would always be found."

I'm still navigating this long road on the way home.

p.s., I'm now a doctoral candidate y'all!!!

Help me praise God :D

Acts of Faith: The going has been rough, and the tough keep going.

Title says it all. It's funny, I re-read a letter I wrote to myself about 2 years ago, and it just helped me put it all into perspective all over again.
*sigh* IT IS WELL :-)

                                                                                                                        June 19, 2011

Dearest Rahilla,

            Here we are again at another overturn – five years later from when you first stepped your foot at one of the most pivotal places in your life (and where you succeeded and conquered might I add) – ready to step into the next phase of your life. You are about to embark on one of the best and worst times of your life… exciting and terrifying, engaging and isolating… rewarding, satisfactory and yet with a lot of troughs. It will be hard, I won’t lie. There will be days when you will lay in bed and cry and will want nothing else than to run, give up and go home – but don’t. Hang in there a little bit longer and you will conquer and be right where He wants you to be.

            Here we are again – drafting you a letter to keep you strong through the next five years of your life. First things first, you need to remember these things:

            *** The letter for college still applies!!!***

1.     God has brought you here for such a time as this, for a reason and to accomplish a purpose. So honor Him in all that you do. Be honest, remember to love and give of love freely, your neighbor as yourself. And remember to love yourself as well. You must remain alive to do His bidding.

2.     In all that you do, do it WELL, strive for quality. Be the best at what you do – in lab, with your colleagues, in your studies and in your friendships. No one can ever lose from you giving the best of yourself that your conscience can allow to them. Nothing can detriment from your trying your best at finding the answer.

3.     Never take anything personal. Forgive easily and let go even faster. You are flawed, people are flawed – and inspite of it all, not everything is about you. You must remember that trivialities and trifles in life exist, not everyone is out to get you and yet no everyone will like you – regardless you must still move on. Live, Laugh, Love. Remember if all else fails, He loves you inspite of you and forgives you inspite of you, and hence you must forgive and let go inspite of circumstances.

4.     Always be true to yourself. Your principles, your values, your beliefs and your instinct. The foundation and core of yourself is what keeps you going. At the end of a hard bustling day of life, you lay on the bed you make, and hence you must always live up to the notions that will leave you in peace. There is no need to please others or live out of fear of hurting others – you must remember to do what will leave you at peace with yourself at the end of the day.

5.     Above all, remember to whom you owe all of this journey to – your Maker and the architect of your destiny. He allows you your free will and the gift of enjoying the pleasure of pursing that which gives you some fulfillment. Remember where you steam from – the Word of the Almighty God, the One who smiles at you and covers you by the justification of His Son’s blood.

Hold down your Forte, He loves you deeply.

Penciled by His Leading,
            Rahilla.

P.S. So, how are you? Tell me below :-)

Re: Sweet Reminders of Easter, vs. 2013

The reminders from 2012 are still relevant... what is funny that I'm still learning to apply all of that in my life...

... Galatians 5:1(NIV): "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

I pray I learn and keep learning what that freedom is, and pray the same for you.

HE IS RISEN INDEED! 

Love,

Mwajim Al.

Happy Easter

Admist the distractions, the craziness and intertwining loops of life, I just wanted to say:

"Have a happy Easter!"

Keep pushing forward :D

A song and a beautiful post on Lent.

Click to read -> A Beautiful Post on Lent.

Urbana 2012 #U12 Lessons: #1

*long post alert*

As some of you know, via facebook, twitter and heavily through instagram (thank God for social media), I spent the last days of the year 2012 at the Student Missions Conference, called Urbana. This was my second time going. As opposed to the first time, I had a relatively better idea of what to expect. I knew the intense energy that would be present, the convictions that would follow, and of course the sweeping and overwhelming presence and work of God that would be at display. I think a part of me didn’t think I would have so much to learn - on a certain level, I think I felt some pride. Pride that of course I have been here before, there is probably not much more I can learn... Pride that it wouldn’t apply to me, I cannot leave my current location and go be a missionary in Mozambique or Italy etc. So, what I did pray for going in was for God to show me what he wants me to learn... I was scared of my pride blinding the room for expanding growth God could have in store for me.

As with all things associated with God, He met me in ways that were much bigger than I could have ever expected. So over the next few posts or so, I’ll be chronicling lessons learnt from this conference. I will try my best to be as articulate and open as possible. And I really pray, something speaks to you from it.

Enjoy!

Lesson 1: Jesus comes with a life alteration (*gasp*).

“If it’s not good enough for local consumption, then it’s not good enough for export” - Calisto Odede.

The passage I’m reflecting from is Luke 4:14-30.

Before this passage and for the purposes of context, we have a series of humanly impossible and very strange events occur - a virgin conceives, an old couple conceives, an old man told of his son’s birth goes mute and only speaks at the birth of his son, shepherds and angels come to worship a baby born at a manger... Crazy events. Chapter 4 starts with the temptation of this same immaculately conceived baby now grown into a man who is tempted by the devil, and doesn’t succumb to any of the temptations. Up until now, all of these happenings have been more on a need-to-know basis. Maybe if you were close to this man and/or his family, you would have known about the mystery surrounding his birth, his cousin’s birth and the prophecies that have been said about him... or even the words he has spoken. This need-to-know ordeal comes to an end when we get to this passage.

This immaculately conceived baby that has grown into a man, officially named as Jesus, gets up to speak amongst his own people in the synagogue. Note that this was in Nazareth, where he grew up (please keep this point in mind, we’ll return to it later). He gets up, reads from the old testament - a popular passage as I’m sure to the Israelites at that time, as it was read in reference to the fulfillment of the messiah that would free them from Roman rule:

18 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

because he has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives

and recovering of sight to the blind,

to set at liberty those who are oppressed,

19 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Luke 4 (ESV)

If he had just read that passage and ended it there, all would have been well. However, history has it that he didn’t. He spoke further:

    21 And he began to say to them, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing."

He says more things to them that can be found at the end of this passage (I know you are dying to know the end of the passage, so I’ll redirect you to read Luke 4:18-30)

The first point that spoke to me from this passage was what the speaker quoted above said: “If it isn’t good enough for local consumption, it isn’t good enough for export.” Jesus didn’t start his ministry by going to Asia... He started right where he was, in his current position, at his hometown. I can’t even begin to explain how much of a blow that was to me. Several times during the week, one can catch my thoughts or vocalizations spewing on how I would like to live my life as the person I imagine in my head. It’s quite large, because in my head, I’m the girl who runs marathons to raise money for people suffering from neurodegenerative disorders, I’m the girl who gives her weekends away at soup kitchens or spends time with old people - I’m the one who gives herself away trying to save the world. In reality, I spend 60 something odd hours every week in lab (doing some mad scientist stuff - coolest job description in the world)... and on the weekends, I’m stuck in bed watching netflix or thinking of something interesting to say on social media (don’t judge me). If my life is to be modeled as Christ's life was... then what does that mean for me in the context of this passage?  In my 60 something odd hours spent in lab, can those individuals I spend time with testify of God’s fruit in my life? Can my cohort mates speak of Jesus’ work in my life? How about my roommate or the people or even my family that I talk to on almost a daily basis - do they know of God’s hand in my life? Can they see it? What is the point of trying to live up to this girl I want to be (ready to zoom off for exportation), if I can’t show anything for it in my immediate environs (not even consumable at the local level)?

Can I stand up and live out God’s good news in my local environment?

And what of the crazy promises that this bold Man speaks to these people, that He claims is fulfilled in their lives on that very day???
“To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor...” … Sight to the blind, freedom to the captives, good news to the poor, the end of oppression? A lot of times, I’ve read this passage, as some story that happened long ago that can just possibly never happen again. But isn’t it happening now... and when it does, don't we chose to ascribe to chance or luck? Isn’t God still healing broken hearts? Isn’t He still setting the captives free? Are the poor in heart not still the getting good news?

Or has God stopped working amongst us?
It seems that the year of the Lord’s favor comes with an alteration. A covert operation from Christ that echos till this day, that His good news still rings sound and sure - He is our only hope, He is our total satisfaction, He is our God... our everything.

Our acceptance of Him turns everything upside down, with a demand to trust that He is good and only wants our good!

What does this mean for me?
A whole lot of processing and a reassessment of my life. In what ways have I limited God’s work in my life? In what ways have I limited the power of the Holy Spirit in my life? God’s power is the same today as it was thousands of years ago... and all these disciples I read of in the Bible were human as I was - same flaws, same frailty, same fears... What’s different?
I think it’s my unwillingness to to give everything to Him, my unwillingness to lay everything down... to trust that He is who He says He is. He is not just a carpenter’s son that stood up to read a passage and went away at the wrath of His people. He is not just some figment of an imagination or some conjured conspiracy passed down through the centuries by some select old people that wanted to control the masses. He is real. As real as I am. As real as my typing fingers on this keyboard... As real as the light falling on your retina being transduced to neural signals and relayed to the rest of your brain.
And for me to accept His reality is for me to stop giving Him the boundaries that I think He ought to stay within in my life. He is a life-changer... a life-alterer... and I must continue to let Him be that... To continue to heal this broken heart... to continue to give good news to this poverty-stricken soul... to continue to free this oppressed life... and continue to give sight to these blind eyes...

What does this mean for you?

I pray that the Holy Spirit reveals Himself to you, that God becomes more real to you than He is now. I pray that you give Him an inch... all He needs is a willingness and the rest is a done-deal. I pray that you experience the year of the Lord’s favor :)

Have a magnificent week filled with beautiful wanderings!

Love, 

Mwajim Al.

the ones who know what good is.

determined to be the ones who don’t cave in...
the ones who defy the status quo...

determined to be the ones with change in our eyes,
fire in our chest...

the elders, they got it wrong!

the old ones, they settled for less...
letting the dream die...
letting their dreams die.

we are the ones with dreams we say,
we are the ones who can make a difference we chant.
Change starts with us.

No more of that old nay says and hay says and no action!
No more of that absolute power corrupts nonsense!
We are the generation that wants to see what good you are.
We are the generation that knows what good it all is.

we forgot that they were once young too...
and like us with dreams in their eyes,
and fire in their chest...
they swore they would be different.

we forget they were once young too
but breaches of sand and bamboo
came knocking at their door one day
until they could not ignore
the clarion call...

One day they will come knocking at our door too.
Question is, would we still be the ones who
could cause change amidst change?

Epiphanies from Urbana 2012

I ended 2012 with a bang, the best way I could have ever done so, in the presence of Jesus, with fellow believers. I was at Intervarsity's Student Mission conference, Urbana, usually held every three years at St. Louis, MO. I spent the past couple of days, being convicted, learning, being challenged and encouraged about my current position and how I can view my faith and what I've been called into from this position :) I also got a few books, and a plethora of recommendation of books (it's almost impossible to go to a conference and not get books to read lol), lots of exchange of ideas, and fresh vision. I am sooooo soooo excited about the next level in living out my faith, being authentic about it, and just loving people more, loving God more... Whhhoooohooooo!!!

I just wanted to share some pages of my journal from the first two days at the conference... It's in my "chicken-stratch" handwriting. So please bare with me :)

Thanks, for reading! And happy new year!!!

p.s., I don't make new year resolutions... For me, 365 days just seem too short or long - take your pick, to work on change... change should be over the course of a lifetime :) (Or maybe i'm just lazy, who knows).

Stay beautiful people. I'll be back with more tid-bits soon enough.

Love,
Mwajim Al.

Merry Christmas...

From me and the cutest dog in the world, that I 'dognapped' for this shot, we say to you: Merry Christmas, and not for just all the good food, and good company and the lazy wanderings of the day. We say Merry Christmas, for [God is with us] - Immanuel.

Remain Blessed,
Mwajim Al.

Dear Friends,

So I turned another year older today... (and next year will be the year that my age will stay frozen at till 2022 (a decade later) when I will then be a year older!) and I've been told that apparently, after 21 the years just stock up higher and intermingle and you just can't tell one birthday from the other - they all feel the same. However, I've not felt that way. It's been a few years since 21 and I still get giddy on the 18th of the eleventh month of every year... I still sit back and reflect on the past year - its presents, misfortunes and opportunities, and it feels different every time... I will never tire of this!?!? But, I may be wrong. Maybe age, time and brittle bones will get the best of me yet, but until then, I will keep the giddiness up.

To start off, this past year was... interesting in a very different way. For the first time, I've been more aware of my shortcomings and I don't mean those: "Oh, I need to stop this and that..." NO, more in a blinding: "You seriously need to work on keeping this up and that..." It's like I never had a year like this one, where I wanted to seriously be truly liberated into the contentment and liberty of finding what Christ has freed me into... It has been like having a tussling fight with my desires to either wallow in ingratitude and counting of losses or remember the good news that I am more than an overcomer both in this life and that to come. It was slow and painful and etched on for a while... but as in all things that we subject ourselves to, there has to come a time when we either look ourselves in the mirror or slap ourselves to sense, and say that: Enough is enough!

I got tired. Tired of looking at the glass half empty. I refuse. I refuse to look at the glass half empty. It is half full.
No.
Correction - It is brimming full and overflowing with gratitude, thankfulness and praise. I am learning and continually learning to battle my feelings that attempt to sit with the tide and turnings of circumstances. The Psalmist (I love Psalms!!!) puts it perfectly:
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 43:5 (NIV)

So therefore, I will yet come with dancing and jubilating and praise for what God has done, what He is currently doing and what He will do in  my life. He has already called me as though I already am all that He is calling me to be: Blessed, Redeemed, His daughter, an Overcomer and so much more... and I.... *breaks into smile* am so glad and delighted!

I pray that I continue to remember this, and live out my life in full realization of these facts.

So yay! Happy Birthday to me :) 2 dozen years on this earth and still so much more to be done. I can only ask for continued grace and strength to truly love Him and love people as He has called me to do!

Have yourself a fantastic week filled with lots of love and thanksgiving! Gobble up people. xoxo.

Love,
Mwajim Al.

The Girl Who Forgives and Moves on...

Apparently, forgiveness is more than just ushering it from your lips, and praying it in. It's more than just saying you've forgiven the person and next thing shanking them in your heart... the heart... Apparently, forgiveness is letting go and moving on from the heart... the heart. 

I've known that theoretically. It's like math: 1 + 1 = 2 - someone hurts you, you forgive them. You just let go. But for me, letting go means I profess with my lips and imagine 1001 ways to serve revenge cold. But of course, God must be looking out for them because I'm a wuss I never get the opportunity.

So here I am, sitting and listening to people talk to me about forgiveness and my mind is going: "yadda yadda yadda... same old kapeesh"... until they bring up the heart: the seed and harbor of all intentions. 

I mean if I backed up for one second and reviewed what I honestly wished for people I've been harboring in my heart: 

1) Would it be good intentions? Nope. 

2) Have I or have I not imagined scenarios and rehearsed (emphasis on rehearsed) where they beg on their knees for my forgiveness? Yup. 

3) Have I passively aggressively played good nice wonderful girl, freely giving out my "forgiveness" readily without their asking knowing well I would pine in anger and retribution? Absolutely. 

And Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been claiming for years that I easily forgive... that I easily let go (adjusts halo) and still, the intentions of my heart portray a different light. 

The people talking to me on this occasion went on to say different things: "We need to forgive so that God forgives us...", "We forgive just as Christ forgave us..." etc etc... Still yap to my ears... It should have clicked earlier... I know... If I claim to be in absolute awe of the Almighty One, the thought of my sins being forgiven as I forgive others should have me running to my heart's armed safe, beaming it with laser rays and releasing whosoever I hold in... It didn't click yet. What clicked was that: "Whoever hurt you is just like you, hurting in some way or the other..." Whether they hurt you intentionally or not... whether this offensive act that hurts you was big or small... That's just it... they're human too.

And there it is folks. Somehow I think letting go from the heart suddenly made sense... I know, I know.  (I shouldn't hold people on some weird abstract playing field, where I expect them to do no wrong). I should know this stuff. Or it seems I should have. But at that instant in time, it just made perfect sense. Lip profession. Act forgiving. None of that matters if I can't let my heart rest in the solace of just letting go and moving on...

I think this has been a long time coming... and for the first time today... reviewing stuff from this year... I realized that in a weird way... I'm becoming this girl who actually is letting go and moving on (for real this time guys, no daggers in heart). I know I write about this on here often enough that one would have thought: "Whatever it is, just suck it up... it's life, it's unfair..." But that's just the thing... that doesn't cut it for me. I can't just suck it up...  I can't just view it as life. Well, one could then say: "Well, did you come up with answers that help you cope or deal?" Honestly... No! And i don't think that will ever happen. Not on this side of heaven.

What is happening every day however is the decluttering of this heart. I know - it's my copyrighted term. 

More room for love - because I need it. Disclaimer: Love from Jesus.

More room for peace - because i'm a volatile belle.

More room for joy - because I have to overflow some more.

More room for truth - because it's all there is to live for.

More room for His goodness - because nothing else can stay. Nothing else. Nothing.

Phew.

That's a nice load off my chest. 

And so onto more positives.

You. I know it's easy to believe you've forgiven. Your words say it. You act it. You've cut them out, or still let them in - whichever the case. What else could there be to forgive? But that's just half of the story. In your times of frustration and road blocks, they take the mental heat from you... they take all the leashed arrows... But the truth is, honestly, you're the one taking the leashed arrows. Like a monk sworn to silence, your promise eats you up. You're the one to set free, not them. You're the one who needs to show mercy... not to them, but to you. So, look inside you... your heart, muscle and blood, beating in chest and with one deep sigh and breath just release yourself... you deserve better. Better than broken promises of a past life. Better than lost memories of an frozen childhood. Better than shards of a memorabilia... You deserve space for the beauty and fullness that Christ came to free you into. It takes time, I know... just crawl, drag, run, sprint, walk (forward of course)... whatever you have to do... just don't stay stuck. 

And then, we can say this in harmony when we've fully forgiven, fully moved on, strengthened that the best days are happening now in His arms: 

¹⁰ I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.

Isaiah 61: 10-11 (NIV)

Have yourself a delightful weekend! 

And, may this month be one of your best months yet :D 

Love,

Mwajim Al. 

Finding God in the... [What]?

For the past couple of weeks, I've gone through a rush of varying emotions which ranged from a peak of elated joy and happiness - you know, the kind you think will just never end, as though you will never ever come down from such a high; to a trough of despair and confusion - the kind where you think you are in the wrong place and maybe for the wrong reasons. The trough was mostly me freaking out about my lack of time for myself and slowly coming to the realization that I've chosen a line of training that of course demands time and all of myself and more time and more of me than I would have liked to imagine. It's one thing to have thought of it abstractly and another thing when your feet are drenched in it. However, as I sat in that state, I made a mental note to have personal goals to accomplish through the week, and amongst that was upping my G-time, literally that is how it's written in my journal  (personal time with God). In the midst of my busyness, I've found that it's easy to spend 10-11 hours of my day in lab or wherever your place might be and forget that there is a Sustainer that webs the galaxies for His purpose... bends stars at His will and loves me so passionately to die in my place... it's easy to forget that. In upping my G-time, I was scavenging through Jeremiah, trying to feed off His breath of words to my "supposed" trough. A couple of days ago, I came across this:
   

 4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." Jeremiah 29 (NIV)


So here are the Israelites in Babylon, carried away by King Nebuchadnezzar, against their will. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like - in the midst of so much confusion, despair and regret, they were probably expecting to hear a word that God would send a deliverer to propel them out of captivity. But instead, they hear the opposite. They are instructed to: "Increase in number; do not decrease".  I was challenged by that verse. For some reason or the other, I have often found myself standing at a cliff-hanger… almost like I think I’m in an intermediate state waiting for something big to happen. I neglect the fact that the big is happening now, like right now as I speak, walk, sleep, eat, talk, write… the big is now! In my present state, I must find satisfaction and contentment in my territory.

Note to self: I must increase. Yes, I am blessed where I am. Even in my lack... even in what I don't have... I must still increase. They were instructed to also pray for the city that they were in, because if it prospers, they too would prosper. 

Note to self: If your lab prospers, you too will prosper. I don't even need to tell you what I started doing next. 


The next verse that came to me as I considered things in my trough was Esther. Remember her? A girl who during the exile of Israelites and the reign of the King of Persia, although an Israelite, became Queen in a foreign land. A classic syndrome case of: from grass to grace. My favorite line from that story is what her Uncle tells her when he comes to her for help due to the verdict that was out that all Jews should be killed. He said to her:


            And they told Mordecai what Esther had said. Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, “Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
(Esther 4:12-14 ESV)

Esther was brave enough to move from victim to victor. She was challenged to realize that part of her bottom-line was happening now… not later. Not tomorrow or in a few years… but now.


Note to self: I was born for such a time as this. My life, my timeline... everything has been leading me to a bottom-line. Where I currently am is part of my bottom line. Never mind the sweat. Never mind the tiredness. Never mind the lack. Never mind the things I covet. All of my life has been leading towards this... and even beyond what I had ever imagined. I was born for such a time as this!



Now my next job is sitting back and basking in that for… the rest of my life.

            I don’t know what you are in the midst of…

            Busyness or downtime,

Joy or sadness,

Abundance or lack,

Pithiness or Nebulosity.

Whichever the case, bask in the fact that:

1)    You must increase wherever you are.

2)    No matter how your life came to be, or where you currently find yourself - You were born for such a time as this.

Have a splendous week of ecstatic joy and present contentment.

                                                                                                                                        Love,

                                                                                                                                       Mwajim Al. 

Sharing 11

 That's why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn't stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I'd think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!

Ephesians 1: 15-19 (The Message)