Perfect Control

          I’ve never considered myself as a control-freak – you know the kind that wants all her socks folded in the top drawer, or her laptop positioned a certain way, or her wardrobe color-coded. I would like to think I’m a more laid-back, take it as it comes personality.

         But a take-it-as-it-comes personality doesn’t sit and imagine that life should go as-such-and-such, or that the next step in life is logically this-and-that. I’ve always imagined that I want to do this, or that… I’ve always thought out my next logical plan, and when plan A doesn’t work – of course, plan B is always at bay. One word for that – control-freak.

         One thing that drives a control-freak is fear, fear of diving in, fear of diving out. When presented with opportunities to grow, expand and explore; countless seconds are spent debating the possible routes of failure and devising back-up plans for each of those failures. It is so anti-instinctive to want to take that spontaneous dive and find out what is next. That would be crazy… insane… it would be like free-falling into the arms of gravity. Why would you take a non-calculated risk?

         We all want perfect control – me and you. We all want to know what is next before diving into unknown territory. But if you do know what is ahead, will you still take the next step? My friend D mentioned this to me once, and she said Jesus knew all the suffering that was ahead of him, and yet He still took those dreadful steps to Golgotha where He was crucified and made sin on our behalf…

         I don’t think I would take the next steps if years back I had looked ahead and had seen what was coming. I would have gladly kept to myself and be spared the countless leaps of faith. But if Jesus hadn’t gone on ahead to his crucifixion, if He hadn’t paid the ultimate price on our behalf… we wouldn’t have the freedom to come into His presence… or the sweet fellowship of the Holyspirit that we all enjoy now. If I had continued with calculated risks and fears and hadn’t taken the steps even if I had known, I wouldn’t have grown into this beautiful sculpture that He is still molding second-by-second.

         It is very hard as a control-freak to free-fall – we all want perfect control, and yet, we were never meant to have that perfect control. Perfect control is in God’s hands – always - no matter what you are going through. The hardest part is trusting that.